


Hope is a waking dream

by minzimpression



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Dreams, Emperor Hux, Emperor Hux: Origins, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-05-15 00:37:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5765002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minzimpression/pseuds/minzimpression
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his mother’s funeral Hux sees the world through his soulmate’s eyes for the first time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Whoops. There it is.
> 
> In this universe soulmates are dreaming about each other's life.
> 
> (If you’re on separate time zones, when you sleep, you see the world in the eyes of your soulmate at present time. You see the world through your soulmate’s eyes, what they’re eating, who they’re talking to, the contents of the essay paper they’re trying to finish, but if they look into a mirror/reflective surface/picture, the image is blurred so you don’t really have a clue what they look like.) --> [found on this amazing post.](http://silentpeaches.tumblr.com/post/125291322610/soulmate-au-story-ideas)

_”My beautiful child, come here.”_

_His mother lifts her weak hands and Hux stands closer, resists the urge to crawl onto the bed to her and bury his nose in her soft hair. He tries not to breathe. She looks like even the faintest brush of air could make her crumble. Her fingers are trembling when she touches his cheek. Her smile is beautiful. That smile is that one positive memory that will never leave Hux._

_“You are so strong, my dear. One day you are going to rule the galaxy,” she looks into his eyes. Green meets green. His mother loves the fact that he has inherited her eye color. She often has told him that his eyes are revealing his true heritage. He may have been born on Arkanis but he is Naboo, just like her._

_“You will conquer the galaxy. And you will have your soulmate by your side. Oh, my pretty boy. I love you so much. Don’t you ever forget that.”_

_Her soft hand leaves his face and Hux feels very cold._

* * *

After his mother’s funeral, Hux sees the world through his soulmate’s eyes for the first time.

He has no idea how he managed to fall asleep. Maybe it’s the exhaustion from all the crying.

Hux falls asleep and when he enters the land of dreams, warm brown eyes are looking at him with so much love. They’re not his mother’s green eyes – no. But Hux sighs in his sleep and relishes the love he receives from that woman (the love his soulmate receives from the woman).

He dreams of thick, green forests and chasing a wookiee.

He dreams of sitting on the lap of a man piloting a space ship through the air.

He dreams of a perfect day and wakes well rested.

* * *

Hux’s six-year-old mind doesn’t really grasp the concept of a soulmate. But he knows that the dream wasn’t his own.

He wants to ask his father about it but when he reaches his office, there’s the sound of smashing glass audible and he decides against it.

The memory of the dream keeps little Hux level-headed during the next weeks.

* * *

Hux desperately waits for another dream after his father sends him away three months later.

He _does_ dream the following night.

The kind woman with the warm brown eyes is reading a book for ~~him~~. Her voice is soft and lovely and every now and then she looks up, smiling.

The book’s title is _Fairytales of Naboo_.

Hux listens.

When he wakes up, he thinks it’s almost as if his mother has been reading the stories for him. It’s a small comfort that helps him through the bullying. (One day, he will wipe them out. All of them. And it will be glorious.)

* * *

He is eight when he realizes that the dreams he has are actually a glimpse at the life of his soulmate.

He wants to hate his soulmate for having a loving and caring family.

But he can’t.

* * *

One night, he awakes and feels rage and disappointment that isn’t his own.

Hux sniffles and can still see the scene when he closes his eyes. 

The man and the wookiee are loading the ship and the woman is standing next to them, laughing, getting kissed by the man every now and then.

 ~~Hux~~ his soulmate is so angry and sad.

_Why does he leave over and over again?_

_Why doesn’t mother say anything?_

“It’s your father’s nature,” she tells him later. “Don’t be mad at him. We are blessed with his love.”

* * *

He is thirteen when his father tells him that he’s going to join the Academy soon. That he’s going to be his father’s successor. Brendol Hux tells him about that once idea he has. About creating an army of the best soldiers. 

“The Empire will rise again, son,” he says and squeezes his shoulder with his hand. Hux tries to breathe. The touch is so _unwelcome_. It overwhelms him. Hux _hates_ to be touched.

He’s going to be sick.

He can’t breathe.

Wait, these aren’t his emotions. 

His father talks on and on and Hux tries to steady himself subtly. Somewhere, many systems away, his soulmate is screaming. So much _grief_.

What’s happening? What is the meaning of this? Sweat is pooling on his forehead; there’s a tremor in Hux’s left hand. He clenches it into a fist.

“You’re dismissed. I expect you to pack your things. You’re leaving tomorrow,” Brendol Hux finishes his tirade about the rise of the new empire. Hux gives a terse nod and is almost blinded by the _pain_ that rips through his body. As soon as he reaches the guest room (he doesn’t have his own room at his father’s house) he falls onto the small bed and buries his face in his pillow.

He’s asleep within seconds.

* * *

~~Hux~~ his soulmate doesn’t want to go. No, no, no. He can feel the pull from both sides (what pull?).

_”Your uncle will take good care of you, my dear.”_

No, please. He doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want – he wants to stay here, with his friends, he doesn’t want to be a –

A domestic droid is jolting Hux awake by reminding him to pack his things.

Hux’s head hurts. His heart aches. 

He mourns.

And he doesn’t know why.

* * *

Hux joins the Academy as the youngest member of all time, endures the sneers from his fellow students, the pitying stares from his teachers and works his way up. The first place on every list is reserved for his name from now on.

His sleep is very peaceful and relaxing during his first years at the Academy. He doesn’t actually dream his soulmate’s life during that time. Or maybe he is. His dreams are very peaceful and quiet. Sometimes he wonders what his soulmate is up to. First there was just rage and grief and then – nothing.

Hux never managed to meditate, but he wonders if his soulmate is doing exactly this when Hux is asleep.

It helps calming Hux’s mind. Especially before exams or practical tests.

* * *

When Hux takes his first sip of alcohol – some cheap Corellian Rum – he wonders if his soulmate can see through his eyes now.

If he can feel how miserable Hux feels.

If he can see the trembling hands Hux is staring at.

If he can feel his despair.

He wonders if his soulmate wants to get _out_.

(Out of what?

Hux has no clue.

He just wants.)

* * *

Hux is eighteen when he has the last dream about his soulmate.

At first it’s a peaceful dream, just like the other ones. The ones that Hux adores and without them he certainly would have lost his mind by now.

But suddenly his heart if filled with so much _rage_ and _pain_ and _hopelessness_.

And then a ghastly voice is filling Hux’s mind, it’s slowly waking him from his sleep. It’s the last thing he’s going to witness. The horrible voice is making sure of that.

**Cut him out.**

No.

**This soulmate nonsense is a pull to the light. CUT. HIM. OUT.**

And Hux awakes.

* * *

He doesn’t see the world through his soulmate’s eyes again.

* * *

He wonders if his soulmate died.

* * *

Hux doesn’t feel anything anymore.

* * *

He also doesn’t dream anymore.

* * *

No, there is this one dream. But he is sure that this is his own imagination.

It happens when he’s nodding off in his personal office on the _Finalizer_.

(He was given command of the flagship today.

If Hux would still feel _something_ he may be happy.)

But he doesn’t dream of his soulmate. Or through his soulmate’s eyes.

Because surely his soulmate can’t see Hux’s mother.

Like Hux does right now.

She looks beautiful. Just like his memories. 

She stands in front of the viewports of his office and she is smiling.

Hux wants to stand up, wants to close the distance between them, wants to touch, but he stays, glued to the spot.

She doesn’t move either. She just stands there smiling, albeit a little sad.

“My beautiful little Armand,” she whispers and Hux’s breath catches in his throat. He feels like he’s six again. Scared and lonely, hiding under his mother’s bed.

“Soon your wait will be over.”

Wait for what?

He blinks and she’s gone.

Hux bites his lip and downs the rest of the bottle that stands on his desk, waiting to be emptied.

He watches planets drift by slowly and closes his eyes.

Nonsense.

Hux falls asleep a few minutes later.

When he wakes up, lying on his chair in an awkward position and with screaming muscles he’s almost forgotten that strange encounter.

(Her voice, her voice. So soft, so sad. _What_ wait?)

Hux feels disgusting in his worn uniform and sees that there’s a scheduled meeting with Supreme Leader Snoke at 0900. 

How could he have forgotten that?

He’s a commander for fuck’s sake. He’s better than this. He has to be better than this. He knows that he’s expendable. This whole Starkiller plan is risky and he doesn’t need to give Snoke even more arguments against him, the _awfully young general._.

(Meetings with Snoke are unsettling him.

Hux knows it’s Snoke’s voice.

But he doesn’t know _why._ )

Hux allows himself three minutes in the refresher, then changes into a new uniform, combs his hair the way he likes it, and finally puts the greatcoat over his shoulders.

(He likes to wear it when he’s about to meet Snoke’s holo. He knows that he has to stop wearing it in front of the Supreme Leader. It’s as if Snoke knows exactly that he wears it as some kind of protection.)

He makes it to the room in brisk steps and hopes that the meeting won’t take long.

The closer he gets to the big meeting room, the more anxious he gets. No, not anxious. Hux doesn’t allow himself such _emotions_.

But he’d rather be on the bridge right now.

When he reaches the big doors, he takes a deep breath, straightens himself and enters the room.

Snoke’s holo is already waiting.

Snoke doesn’t like to wait.

He teaches Hux a lesson.

Very thoroughly.

* * *

Half an hour later, Hux leaves the room, fuming and raging. How dare Snoke send him another commander. 

How dare he tell him that he’s going to have a _Force_ user by his side from now on. 

How dare he make Hux feel weak and small.

How dare –

Captain Phasma interrupts him.

“Sir, there is an unregistered _Upsilon_ -class command shuttle approaching,” she says, not giving a shit that he looks like he wants to rip out throats and is actually shaking with rage.

Right.

Not giving a shit is the motto in his life. He should get a grip.

Hux takes two deep breaths and morphs his face into the impassive mask he’s practiced in the mirror since his graduation.

“Very well,” he says, stepping around her. He sure as hell won’t greet that fucking _lord_. 

“You go and greet our newest member, Captain. I’ll be in my office.”

“Yes, Sir,” Phasma says and goes.

(He likes her.)

* * *

As soon as the command shuttle is on the _Finalizer_ , Hux gets a notification on his comm.

He doesn’t notice it, because he is busy sitting on the floor in his office and clutching his chest.

As soon as the command shuttle is on the _Finalizer_ , Hux’s heart starts beating violently and strong like it hasn’t in years.

* * *

He doesn’t greet Lord Ren and Lord Ren doesn’t seek him out. 

(They will meet a few cycles later; on the bridge.)

* * *

Hux starts to sleep peacefully again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo is four years old when he first dreams about his soulmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to Xander for beta-reading. I owe you. <3

Ben Solo is four years old when he first dreams about his soulmate. He’s so exhausted from playing with Uncle Chewie in the forest, he falls asleep right there at the kitchen table. His Mother gently tugs his face out of the green beans and takes him into her arms. He is awake for a few seconds when she lays him on his bed carefully. She realizes that he’s crying.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” she asks and Ben sniffles.

“I’m just sad,” he mumbles and takes his mother’s hand. “The rain is putting me in a bad mood and Dad is angry with me.”

Leia looks out of the window. There isn’t one drop of water outside and she would know if Han were angry at Ben for something.

When she wants to ask her little bundle of joy she realizes he’s asleep again.

There are silent tears running down his cheeks. She reaches out softly with the Force. Brushing her son’s mind gently, she sees that he is dreaming. He dreams of a dark room and ghastly weather and a burning cheek.

The whole atmosphere is so _sad._.

Oh, she thinks.

 _Oh,_ she realizes.

* * *

He is seven when his mother explains to him what he’s dreaming about every now and then.

He’s fascinated but can’t quite grasp the concept. Somewhere in this huge galaxy a star is shining brightly, just for him.

“Your own personal star for your soul. Your lovely soul,” she tells him with a smile.

“But why is my soulmate always so sad?” Ben asks, worrying his lip with his teeth.

His Mother sighs and takes him in her arms, pressing a kiss on his temple.

“I don’t know, sweetie. But I think you know the answer deep down in your heart.”

Does he?

Ben tries to listen. He feels the Force around him, around his Mother, feels the tugging from the dark spot that he chooses to ignore and doesn’t tell Mommy about. He tries to skim through the memories he has about these particular dreams.

“He,” and isn’t that a strange concept? Ben knows that his soulmate is male. When he asked his mother about that she just laughed and shrugged. Love is love, she had said.

“He misses his own Mommy,” Ben decides. “She isn’t there anymore. She’s stardust.”

How very, very sad. Ben looks up at his Mother’s face and can’t imagine a life without her. His heart clenches and aches that somewhere out there his soulmate is utterly alone.

“Can’t you be his Mommy too?” he asks.

“Maybe I will be some day,” she says and brushes away a dark strand of his unruly hair. “You’ll bring him to us eventually.”

“Yes, I will,” Ben says determined. He stretches out his hand and makes a tugging movement. His favorite book levitates into his arms and his Mother tenses for a split second. The dark spot in Ben’s head laughs bitterly.

“Can you read them for me?” he asks her, giving her _Fairytales of Naboo_.

“Of course,” she smiles, but it takes a few seconds until it reaches her eyes.

She takes the book and starts to read.

* * *

It’s only a mere days later and he’s so unbelievably _angry_. He sits on a tree stump, glaring at the direction of his Father and Mother and Uncle Chewie loading stuff onto the _Millennium Falcon_. This stupid old ship. Ben hates it.

“You wanna go play or what?” his best friend asks from his right side and Ben looks at him. Poe is crouching in front of his beloved BB-unit and checks over a few compartments.

“No,” Ben says grouchily. Poe rolls his eyes and smirks at something BB-8 beeps. Ben really wants to learn _binary_ but Poe says he’s too young. Some droids apparently have a very foul mouth.

“Aww, come on. You’ll see your Dad again in a few months,” Poe says and tugs at Ben’s hand. “I wanna play pilot in the hangar.”

Ben doesn’t like playing pilot. If there only were an _Upsilon_ class there.

Ben’s Dad calls him suddenly. Ben’s heart thuds violently. He hates saying good-bye to his Dad. But he goes anyway.

“I’ll come later,” he says to Poe over his shoulder and flies into his Father’s arms.

“I don’t want you to go,” he pouts and his Dad only laughs and tells Ben to spread his arms. Ben does and Han holds him high above his head and starts to run. Ben giggles and tries to imitate the sounds of the _Falcon_.

This is way more fun than playing pilot with Poe.

But it ends way too soon and not even ten minutes later Ben stares into the sky where the _Falcon_ has vanished.

He suddenly feels so angry again.

When his Mother brings him to bed later, she tells him that they are blessed with his Father’s love. He should be grateful. Ben’s answer is to pull the blanket over his head and block her out of sight and _out of her mind._ He has no idea how he manages this but he’s certain it has something to do with the dark spot in the back of his mind.

That night he’s so angry that he doesn’t think he’ll be able to sleep.

But he can, and his sleep is very peaceful. His soulmate is reading a book about the Empire’s golden history. There are raindrops drumming at the window. It’s a very soothing sound and the mental state of his soulmate is chilly and calm.

Ben wishes it would rain more on D’Qar.

* * *

“What do you mean I have to go with Uncle Luke?” Ben panics. He’s just come back from a swim with Poe where he had shown his best friend how he could levitate the fishes out of the water or throw rocks with his mind at the stupid boys who were angering them with their sneers.

Ben had been proud when he saw the respect in his best friend’s eyes.

“Your things are packed,” his Dad looks like it pains him to say that. “It’s for the best. You’re very strong with the Force. We….we have to be sure that you can control it.”

This must be a terrible joke. Ben looks at his Mother, tries to reach her with the Force, but pulls back when she flinches.

“You’re very powerful, my dear,” she says, rubbing her temple. “You already wrecked a few rooms when you’re angry. You have to control that anger. It’s tightly connected to the Force.” _In your case_ is left unsaid but hangs heavily between them.

“You can’t just send me away,” he cries out and the Force lashes out and his parents stumble backwards. Ben feels the heat rise up in his face and thinks of raindrops on the window and novels about military history. His anger goes away. But he still feels _grief._.

His parents are sending him away.

Are they scared?

He prods at his Father’s mind (in the gentlest way he can manage) and feels it.

 _Fear_ ~~for him~~ and _Regret_.

Ben snaps out of his Father’s mind and a hand is on his shoulder. When he looks up he sees the serious face of his Uncle. Ben wants to scream, wants to tear everything apart. His Uncle’s mind is pushing into him, bracing against the heat Ben’s mind seems to radiate.

Ben shivers.

“Your Uncle will take good care of you, my dear,” his Mother – no – the _woman_ says.

Ben turns around and leaves the house.

It’s a house he’s never going to enter again.

He doesn’t hug his parents – no – the _man_ and the _woman_.

 ~~Uncle Luke’s~~ Master Skywalker’s mind doesn’t leave him on their whole trip.

Ben seethes and rages. He lets all his anger out as soon as he’s in his assigned room in that old temple.

Master Skywalker just says that he has to live with broken furniture now.

Ben sends everything but his bed flying out of the window.

* * *

He doesn’t dream during the next nights.

When Master Skywalker tells him and the other pupils to empty their mind, all he can think of are fat raindrops against cold glass, books about military strategies and – oddly enough – hair gel.

His master has to chastise him a grand total of 78 times until Ben manages to free his mind of other thoughts and learn to meditate.

It doesn’t take long until a cold voice enters his mind while meditating.

At first Ben thinks it’s his soulmate.

But something - _the light side_ \- tells him it isn’t.

The voice is full of promises and feeding his anger every now and then.

Ben tries to banish the voice with thoughts of nothingness.

When this doesn’t help, he tries to recite the chapter of an extraordinary dull book about astrophysics that his soulmate read last night in Ben’s dream.

The voice fades, but never goes away entirely.

* * *

**Weak, you’re so weak. How do you intend to release your anger, your raw power if you cling to the light?**

Ben is so angry. At himself, at the voice, at his _soulmate_. His soulmate is the reason he feels so torn. The dark side is calling. Has been whispering to him for years now. Ben wants to take the final step so badly. But _someone_ holds him back.

**Come to me, my apprentice. I will show you the right usage of the force. Come to me.**

Ben opens his eyes. His dark hair is plastered on his sweaty forehead. The temptation wins. He has to go. Now or never. He doesn’t pack anything. He has to leave everything behind that is Ben Solo. Everything that defines him, the weak boy. The voice helps him to close his mind and he’s almost at the shuttle with nobody realizing. Almost.

“…Ben?”

Ben stiffens and turns around. What is she doing here? Ben’s hand is flexing and the sweet voice in his head is whispering to just kill her. Ben sucks in a sharp breath and the Force is closing around her but she doesn’t look scared. Just confused.

“Go back inside, Rey,” he says through gritted teeth and her eyes widen a bit when he _forces_ her a few steps back.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she says. “Where are you going? Can I come?”

 **Kill her.**.

No.

“Rey, go back INSIDE!” his rage lashes out and his little cousin flies through the air and hits the wall – hard. She crumples down like a puppet and Ben’s heart breaks. Everything hurts. He’s being ripped apart. This must be what dying feels like.

Suddenly he can feel Master’s prodding at his mind and Ben stumbles back.

 **Now or never, boy.**.

He has hurt _Rey_.

Ben sobs and bolts to the small shuttle. He’s on autopilot when he starts it and the last thing he feels breaking through his mental wall is his Uncle’s _sorrow_ and Rey’s _hurt_ and the _confusion_ of the others.

He puts in the coordinates the voice whispers to him and finally breaks down when the planet is light years away.

Ben feels raw.

Opened up.

Why does he _feel_ so much?

He forces his mind into his safe place. He thinks of chilly air and raindrops and a calm mind reading up history like it’s the most interesting thing in the world.

It doesn’t help like it usually does. The dark space of his mind is making things difficult.

 **Cut him out**.

No, no. I can’t do this. Please don’t do this to me.

**This pain you feel. This is the _light_. Do you want to feel this pain forever?**

No, I want to be free of this pain.

**Then let go of this soulmate nonsense. Cut off the light.**

But—

**CUT. HIM. OUT.**

Ben groans when incredible pain shoots through his head. He imagines hearing a gasp that isn’t his and imagines a heavy steel door that he closes. The passage to his soulmate is blocked. Ben turns the key and throws it away.

Everything turns dark.

He stays unconscious until the shuttle lands on a dark, unfriendly planet.

* * *

The first months under Snoke hurt so much.

Ben misses the Jedi temple.

Misses Rey.

He misses his _soulmate_.

Every time Snoke finds a little trace of thought about Ben’s soulmate in his head, his wrath is cruel.

If Ben couldn’t use the Force to heal himself, he’d be dead within weeks.

* * *

Ben is eighteen when he returns to the Jedi temple.

He’s eighteen when he kills the last shreds of Ben inside him and becomes Kylo Ren. Master of the Knights of Ren who doesn’t kill the younglings but doesn’t hinder the other knights when _they_ do it.

Ben screams and cries inside him when Kylo sees a little brown haired girl, not breathing and bleeding out of her left ear not far away.

Kylo Ren smirks when he sees his original Master flee.

Coward.

Until they meet again.

(The following night he loses against his mind.

He dreams of a ship’s bridge and Stormtroopers and that satisfying feeling that everyone fears and respects him.

He dreams of long, delicate fingers that turn the pages of _Fairytales of Naboo _.__

He dreams of feeling cold all the time.)

* * *

Snoke rips the key to the door to his soulmate from his mind the day after.

Kylo Ren doesn’t feel anything but pain and rage anymore.

It stays like this for the next ten years.

It stays like this, until he, Lord Ren, is ordered to go aboard the _Finalizer_ and use the flag ship’s resources for the map hunt.

* * *

He must find Skywalker.

He must find him or he can’t complete his training.

This is his top priority.

Kylo admires the _Finalizer_ when he approaches the ship. It is breathtakingly beautiful. The pride of the whole First Order. He can’t think much more about it, because suddenly a pull to the _light_ almost cripples him and he has to let the autopilot do the docking.

He breathes harshly through his nose and grabs for his helmet.

After the helmet and the mask are securely in place, he can breathe normally again. His head is still pounding and he can’t remember the last time he’s had such a splitting headache.

Ignoring the pain and the _pull_ , he stalks out of his shuttle, tall and proud, and is greeted by a Stormtrooper with a chrome uniform.

“Welcome aboard the _Finalizer_ , Sir,” she says.

He brushes her mind. She’s a captain on this ship, quite capable of handling the troopers.

But it’s against protocol, isn’t it?

“I was supposed to meet the General, Captain Phasma,” he tells her. If she’s surprised that he plucked her name and rank from her mind, she doesn’t show it.

Good.

“The General is indisposed right now. I’m very sorry, Lord Ren. I’m sure he will greet you properly as soon as he can.”

He better.

“I don’t have time for protocol, Captain. Just show me the ship and inform me about your plans regarding the map.”

Phasma nods and gives him the tour. She’s very efficient and has a dry sense of humor.

(He likes her.)

* * *

He meets General Hux a few cycles after he comes onboard.

The General greets him when Kylo stares out into the stars, head throbbing painfully and his _heart_ reaching out to the light.

It’s almost unbearable.

He wonders if his old wounds split open because he’s out of his master’s reach right now.

Kylo turns around when the General approaches.

Rigid posture, pristine uniform, not a strand of hair askew. Eyes cold and calculating. His whole face is an indifferent mask. Kylo brushes the surface of the General’s mind and there’s forced neutrality, a hint of disdain and a whisper of confusion. Kylo pulls out quickly. Something about General Hux’s mind is unsettling him.

“It is an honor to have you here on the _Finalizer_ , Lord Ren.”

His voice is clipped, his words precise. And yet he manages to make it sound like verbal poison. He’s clearly displeased that he can’t see Kylo’s face.

Excellent.

Kylo smirks and ignores the gloved hand. Hux presses his lips together and he takes his outstretched hand back. He turns and asks the nearest officer for a status report.

Kylo leaves the bridge soon afterwards.

He can’t _think_.

A bit of meditation should do him good.

(The pull to the light grows weak during his meditation but it doesn’t go away completely. It frustrates him. Why can’t he be free of this pain?)

* * *

When the pull to the light becomes agonizing and not even meditation helps, Kylo tries to sleep.

He just wants to sink into numb nothingness.

Like always.

(He starts dreaming again.

He dreams about the taste of Corellian Rum on his tongue. Dreams about being cold _all the time_. Dreams about the childish longing after a special blend of Nabooian tea.)

Kylo Ren doesn’t remember the dreams after he wakes. The dark place in his mind makes sure of that, gripping the key to the steel door with greasy, ugly hands.

Ben Solo tries to reach out with a cry.

Kylo Ren silences him harshly. Like always.

(It’s getting harder and harder to do that.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next: trying to morph this into tfa canon, oh boy.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the love!
> 
> Also big thanks to Maggie for helping me out.
> 
> This is TFA morphed together with this ridiculous idea. So you may recognize actual dialogue from the script.

The Master of the Knights of Ren is tired. So, so very tired.

He is sitting on his rumpled bed and pulls at his hair. He tugs at his hair, pulls sharply and gasps at the stinging sensation. Good, that’s good. He mustn’t sleep.

He. Must. Not. Sleep.

Kylo tugs again, harder until his eyes start to water. Every sensation is welcome as long as it’s not tiredness.

He stares out of the viewport. His bed is right in front of it, because he loves looking at the stars while lying in bed. The _Finalizer_ is circling Starkiller base. Kylo watches the storm formation on the planet and a small grin tugs at his lips. Captain Phasma and General Hux are currently down there. The General wanted to overlook some repairs personally and Phasma was down there to drill some Stormtroopers whose latest evaluations came back a bit abnormal last week.

That formation down there is a huge storm. Hux will be so pissed.

Kylo gloats at that thought. He knows that the General hates the cold. ( ~~He doesn’t know why he hates it. The General never told him. They barely have spoken a word to each other since Kylo boarded the Star Destroyer.~~ )

He watches the storm rotating on the planet for a while and can feel his eyelids slipping. Every time he is on the verge of sleeping, he jolts awake again.

As peaceful as the sleeping on the _Finalizer_ started…

It is tormenting him now.

He started dreaming again. About the smell of tea, about having cold feet despite them being in thick boots. He dreams about doing complicated math and designing upgrades for First Order Ships.

Dreaming again is the worst thing that could have happened to him.

Because Supreme Leader knows.

He sensed it as soon as Kylo started dreaming again.

(“And you have no idea who it might be?” he had asked him suspiciously.

“No, Supreme Leader.” They both knew that his soulmate must be on the _Finalizer_. It’s the only explanation why Kylo Ren had started dreaming again, despite cutting his soulmate off all these years ago.)

Supreme Leader is always so angry when Kylo has dreamed again. Calls him weak and foolish.

Kylo knows.

He understands.

But he can’t make it stop.

He’s tried everything.

This.

This not-sleeping is his last resort.

Kylo doesn’t _want_ a soulmate.

The pull to the light is almost impossible to ignore now.

“So weak,” he grumbles and leans his forehead against the cool glass of the viewport. He turns his gaze away from Starkiller planet and watches the stars far ahead. He’s always loved looking at them. Even when he was small.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, someone is singing.

_Look at all the stars,_  
shining bright for you,  
but some can leave scars,  
Oh, if you only knew. 

Kylo closes his eyes and tries to banish the memory of General Organa singing this song to him when he couldn’t sleep because his soulmate’s dreams made him sad.

He’s been thinking more and more about her since the dreams have started again.

His mind is such a mess since he’s come here.

He wonders if this is another test from Supreme Leader. If Supreme Leader knew all along and this is his final test, to overcome the light.

(Knowing him, it probably is.)

Kylo can go without sleep for five days if he has to. The Force comes in handy like that.

And if he finally sleeps then, he just passes out and sleeps for 12 hours. That’s how he’s managed to not have soulmate dreams during the last weeks. He doesn’t have much to do since Hux and Phasma left for Starkiller Planet three weeks ago. And Supreme Leader also doesn’t have orders for him right now. So Kylo has tried this ‘going without sleep for five days and then pass out’ and it seems to work.

It isn’t a very good solution but the best one he’s come up with so far..

This night marks night five, actually. He knows, he’s going to pass out soon. It has worked during the last three weeks but he’s still afraid to fall asleep again.

His eyes threaten to fall shut again. The last thing he sees before passing out is General Hux’s personal shuttle approaching the _Finalizer_.

Too bad.

Kylo really would have wished that the General would freeze to death in that storm down there.

* * *

He’s furious when he wakes 14 hours later.

He’s dreamed again.

He’s dreamed about a long hot shower and relishing the comfort of a soft bed.

* * *

Kylo Ren wants to be free of this pain.

But he can’t find a solution.

* * *

“I’ve had a vision,” Kylo says, blinking tiredly behind his mask.

General Hux raises an eyebrow.

Kylo hates that the General is so unimpressed by the Force. He is such a heathen and Kylo wants to choke the life out of him.

Unfortunately, Supreme Leader forbade it.

“A vision,” Hux says in a dry tone. “Why should I care if you dream about your soulmate or not?”

What?

How would Hux know this?

Hux actually looks a bit flustered and Kylo understands.

“I wasn’t talking about foolish soulmate business, General,” he replies, suddenly gleeful. “Why would I dream about a soulmate? The dark side of the Force is free from such irrationality. Oh, _General_. Don’t tell me _are one of those fools who believe in this?” he mocks and is glad for his mask, because Hux’s sentence has been too close to the truth._

There are red spots appearing on Hux’s cheeks. Kylo would love to brush his mind, but every time he tries, he feels sick to the stomach and has the urge to retch into the next bin. He wonders if this is some defense mechanism they have taught Hux at that infamous Academy.

“Of course not,” Hux scoffs. “I was merely thinking, because there just has been an _incident_ with a particular Stormtrooper and –“

Kylo has never seen the General so flustered before.

It’s a mesmerizing sight.

Kylo smashes that _something_ that threatens to bubble up in him instantly.

“I was talking about a _Force vision_ ,” he interrupts the other man. “I must go to Jakku. Lor San Tekka has part of the map.”

Hux frowns at him.

“Well, go then. Your private hunt is none of my business. Did you pester me during lunch just for _this?_ ” Hux looks like he’s bitten into one of the citrus blossoms Captain Phasma is so fond of.

“Of course not,” Kylo shrugs. “I merely wanted to inform you that I’m taking the good captain and some of her Stormtroopers with me.”

“No, you aren’t. They aren’t your personal bodyguards. And you didn’t fill out any request form for using them.”

Kylo stands up from the chair next to Hux.

“This wasn’t a question. We will go at after the day cycle ends. Good day, General.”

Kylo actually smirks when he can hear the mumbled _kriffing idiot_.

* * *

Kylo has to swallow a lump in his throat when he sees the old man. He remembers him. It feels like a lifetime ago.

(Maybe it is.)

“Look how old you’ve become,” he says, glad that his mask will smooth out the hitch in his voice. He still doesn’t have it under control. His _feelings_ when he’s confronted with people from his past. 

“Something far worse has happened to you,” the old man replies, and Kylo bits his lip behind his mask. 

“You know what I’ve come for,” he says cooly. 

Please don’t resist, Kylo thinks.

“I know where you come _from_. Before you called yourself Kylo Ren,” the man says boldly, and Kylo sighs inwardly. He _has_ to kill him now. Well, at least he can send a message to General Organa with that.

“The map to Skywalker. We know you’ve found it, and now you’re giving it to the First Order.”

The old fool actually gives a small smile at that. Kylo feels 8 years old again. He hates it.

“The First Order rose from the dark side….you did not..”

Kylo decides not to be affected by these words. (It’s harder than anticipated.)

“I’ll show you the dark side,” he says calmly.

“You may try, but you cannot decide the truth that is your family.”

That takes his calm away. He tried. He really did.

Kylo takes his lightsaber, ignites it and wishes he didn’t have his mask on, only for this old man to see him.

“You’re so right,” he says drily and swings the saber, feeling no regret when the man crumples before him. 

He can feel the bolt of energy before it actually gets close to him. Kylo raises his hand lazily and the blast freezes mid air. He has practiced this move so often that he shouldn’t be surprised that it worked. But he actually is. 

When he realizes _whom_ they are bringing, he blinks dumbly. Kylo would never have guessed to see _him_ again. Kylo hasn’t seen him for twenty years now. 

There are crow’s feet around his eyes. And a bit of grey in his dark hair. He’s looking handsome as always.

Poe stares up at him with lazy eyes.

“So who talks first? You talk first?” he asks, and Kylo rolls his eyes behind the mask. Brash as always. He could kill Poe right now and the other man doesn’t even care.

“The old man gave it to you,” Kylo says, trying to keep Ben inside him at bay who’s screaming in joy upon seeing his old best friend.

“It’s just hard to understand you, with all the…”

“Search him,” Kylo says and watched as the Stormtroopers are patting Poe up and down.

“Nothing, sir,” one of them says and Kylo tilts his head slightly.

“Put him on board,” he commands and turns around. Maybe he won’t have to interrogate him. Maybe, Hux’s men can manage this, maybe --

“Sir, the villagers,” Captain Phasma interrupts him and Kylo banishes the uneasiness he’s suddenly feeling.

“Kill them all,” he says and watches as they push Poe into a transporter ship roughly. He heads to his own ship, but stops. He can feel _something_. He follows the source of the radiating uneasiness and his gaze lands on a Stormtrooper with a bloodsmeared helmet. 

Something seems off about him. There is something… _light_ about him.

Kylo turns around quickly and boards his shuttle. 

Why does the light follow him everywhere?

He lets the frozen blast slam against a nearby surface with a flick of his wrist and wonders what he’s going to do with Poe.

Poe is in another ship while they are flying to the _Finalizer_ but Kylo has no difficulties invading his mind anyway. Just a gentle touch, untraceable. 

He recoils almost immediately.

Poe had thought of General Organa, the last words they had shared. So Kylo had seen those brown eyes and --

“Approaching the _Finalizer_ , Sir.” Kylo’s glad that he’s interrupted and decided to mediate the few hours that Hux’s men need for the interrogation. 

He’s been so distracted by the light lately that his slips to Ben’s memory have become unacceptable.

* * *

They call him after five hours. 

Well, not _they_.

 _He_ does.

Kylo looks at Hux’s pinched expression with slight amusement.

“Let me guess. Your _best_ men didn’t get the information out of him?” he asks, brushing past the General. 

Hux doesn’t deign to answer and Kylo actually smiles when he can hear Hux taking one, two, three quick steps to walk next to him instead of behind him. 

“Just get the answer out of that pilot. Supreme Leader just made it top priority,” Hux almost orders when they reach the door to the interrogation room and Kylo nods. He needs that map.

Poe is unconscious on the chair and Kylo makes him wake up with one lazy flick of his hand. 

“I had no idea we had the best pilot of the Resistance on board. Comfortable?” he asks and Poe actually has the guts to sneer at him. Impressive.

“Not really,” Poe answers.

“I'm impressed. No one has been able to get out of you what you did with the map,” well, Kylo already knows that Poe is a stubborn son-of-a-bitch.

“Might wanna rethink your technique,” Poe says cockily and Kylo has to hide a melodramatic sigh. If he would had just given the information to Hux’s men…

Ben winces when Kylo reaches out with his hand, his fingers almost brushing Poe’s face. 

“Where is it?” he asks, ruffling through Poe’s memories roughly. He’s a bit overwhelmed by all the memories of Poe and General Organa -- and Han Solo -- and Chewie --

“The Resistance will not be intimidated by you.”

“Where... is it?” he asks, clenching his hand and dives even deeper. He knows what to look for. He extracts the memories of the funeral of Poe’s father, replays it again and again in Poe’s head. He brings Poe’s agony to the surface of his thoughts from that one time Poe’s mother waved the the two of them out of her Starfighter and Kylo even manages to play the explosion of her Starcraft in slow-motion. Just for Poe.

Poe starts to scream and Kylo can hear a manic cackling in the back of his mind.

* * *

He exits the room exactly seven minutes later and nods at Hux who’s been waiting. 

“It’s in a droid,” he tells him. “A BB-unit.”

“Well, then. If it’s on Jakku, we’ll soon have it,” Hux says with his ever present confidence. 

“I leave that to you,” Kylo says and watches Hux as he nods and turns around to walk to the main bridge. As soon as Hux has vanished behind the next corner, Kylo releases the breath he’s been holding.

He looks back into the interrogation room where Poe is slumped down in his chair, eyes closed and tears slowly drying on his skin.

The light is tugging at Kylo and he wonders if it’s because an old friend of Ben reappeared in his life.

He tries to meditate a bit more.

* * *

He’s interrupted by the alarm an hour later and senses what’s happening.

His long legs bring him to the main bridge in under five minutes.

“General Hux, is it the Resistance pilot?” he asks, looming over Hux and relishing the slight twitch of Hux’s eyebrow.

“Yes, and he had help,” Hux answers in an angry tone. “One of our own. We're checking the registers now to identify which Stormtrooper it was.”

Kylo knows who it is.

“... The one from the village. FN-2187.”

Hux looks at him oddly and angry at the same time. It’s the usual combination of glares Hux graces him with. Kylo turns and heads off.

He’s almost off the main bridge when he can hear Hux say “Fire” with such venom in his voice.

It goes straight through him. 

What is wrong with him?

* * *

Another sleepless night cycle later, Kylo walks beside Hux and his mind is still reeling from the audience with Snoke. Snoke hasn’t talked to him directly and this is almost punishment enough for Kylo. Snoke took one look at him and knew that Kylo had felt the pull to the light again, knew that he had been dreaming of his soulmate again. 

He’d only talked to Hux during that meeting and when they both have been dismissed Kylo had felt the tug at the steel door in his mind almost physically.

 **Kylo Ren…** was the lingering warning in his head and Kylo was so angry all of a sudden.

Hux is already talking next to him, babbling about their mission.

Who cares about this mission?

Kylo wants nothing more than to walk up to his soulmate and _rip his throat out_. Where is this lousy man invading his dreams? Breaking all of Kylo’s mental walls.

It’s almost laughable how Kylo can be so strong with the Force but a puny man can hide between 82000 souls on this ship.

It shouldn’t be possible. But it is.

It drives Kylo insane.

(More than he already is --)

“Supreme Leader Snoke was explicit. Capture the droid if we can, but destroy it if we must,” Hux’s droning voice is cutting through his thoughts and Kylo has to blink, has to come back to reality. 

He looks at Hux’s red hair and it almost hurts his eyes. It’s so _blinding_. 

Kylo hates it.

“How capable are your soldiers, General?” he suddenly asks, just to get Hux’s hackles up. And it works. Hux snarls at him and says with vitriol.

“I won’t have you question my methods.”

“They're obviously skilled at committing high treason. Perhaps Leader Snoke should consider using a clone army.”

This gets an even better reaction out of the General.

Kylo almost recoils from the screaming ‘You son of a bitch’ from Hux’s mind. 

“My men are exceptionally trained --” is that an almost stutter? “programmed from birth--”

“Then they should have no problem retrieving the droid. Unharmed,” Kylo scoffs. Honestly. Why the Hux men even bothered with this tiresome programme. Something like this tends to happen when you try to groom _individuals_. 

Suddenly Hux is very close and his hair is so red; his eyes are so green --

“Careful, Ren. That your "personal interests" not interfere with orders from Leader Snoke,” Hux says. And it is in such a calm and collected tone. Kylo almost admires it how he can sound so distant and unimpressed but his eyes are seething with rage. 

It is… beautiful.

“I want that map. For your sake, I suggest you get it,” Kylo snarls and turns abruptly. He has to leave. _Now._

He can still feel the hate that Hux is radiating three floors down.

Good.

* * *

“--The two were accompanied by a girl,” Mitaka says and Kylo closes his eyes behind his mask for a short moment. Then he reaches out with his hand and closes it. Mitaka flies in his direction.

“ _What girl?_

Mitaka looks at him and gasps, tells him about the story the Stormtroopers have told him. Kylo needs to get into the heads of them. He needs to know.

 _Something_ is up.

Kylo just knows.

* * *

Big brown eyes and three awkward hair buns.

Kylo snaps out of the head of the Stormtrooper, feeling like he’s been burned.

 _Rey._.

* * *

Hux meets him in front of the assembly room. 

Kylo doesn’t greet him, he’s too confused.

Rey is alive.

It’s _Rey_.

She never died.

He didn’t kill her. The knights didn’t kill her.

He’s feeling an emotion he hasn’t felt for 20 years.

He feels _happy_.

It’s so confusing and Kylo hates it.

Hux clears his throat and Kylo looks up. 

“Is something wrong? Are you scared?” Hux sneers and Kylo takes one step back. 

Because there is this _pull_ again. It has become stronger during his walk down here. All he can think of is Rey, Rey, Rey. His little Rey. Small Rey. Vulnerable Rey. 

Thinking about his little cousin hurts even more than the pull to the light. Why won’t it stop? Why does he feel like being torn apart? 

One thought about ~~his~~ Ben’s old family and the place where Kylo Ren’s heart should be, splits open and _bleeds_.

For one tiny second Hux looks at him oddly but then straightens his back.

“Let’s go then,” he abruptly turns around enters the assembly room. Kylo follows him, still distracted.

He tries to get his mind under control, trying to banish Rey from his thoughts. He wishes he could hide her behind the steel door in his mind. Snoke mustn’t know. 

“General,” Snoke barks suddenly and Kylo flinches, tries to come back into reality. “Our strategy must now change.”

Something erupts next to Kylo. He frowns for a moment and then realizes that there’s a warmth spreading from his right. It comes from Hux. Outwardly he’s looking stern, impassive face as ever. But Kylo can’t help but _bath in the light_. It feels soothing and calms his turbulent mind.

“The weapon. It is ready. I believe the time has come to use it. We shall destroy the government that supports the Resistance, the Republic,” Hux believes this with every fibre of his body. He’s gloating inside. Hux emits something that strangely feels like happiness. “Without their friends to protect them, the Resistance will be vulnerable, and we will stop them before they reach Skywalker.”

Hux is feeling _pleasure_.

Something in Kylo _cracks_ and Kylo panics.

Snoke considers Hux’s words for a while and then nods.

“Go. Oversee preparations,” he says and Hux gives a curt nod, still being far too pleased with himself.

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

Kylo watches him go. The tingling, warm sensation leaves. 

Kylo Ren can breathe again.

Only to feel his throat close up again when Snoke asks him about the awakening of the Force.

* * *

He’s sweating under his mask. The sweat is pooling at his temples and tickles where it runs down his cheek. 

Snoke was too distracted by agitating him with the reveal that Rey is onboard the _Millenium Falcon_ that he didn’t search too closely in Kylo’s mind. Kylo knows he was smirking behind his back, thinking that he’s shattered Kylo with the information about Han Solo.

Kylo doesn’t care about Han Solo. He hasn’t seen this man for 20 years and even before that … ~~Kylo~~ grew up with his mother.

Period.

The fact that this is _Rey_ getting the attention of Snoke is way worse.

~~He doesn’t want her to go through the same things ….~~

He stops abruptly when there’s chatter and rustling around him. His feet have brought him to the main bridge.

Kylo has no idea _why_. He actually wanted to got to his shuttle, fly to the _Finalizer_ and ~~pass out for good~~ meditate.  
It’s so hot in here. He wants to rip his helmet off, wants to wipe away the sweat (or tears?).

Panic is closing up his throat and some radar technician is looking at him strangely because his ragged breathing can be heard despite the voice modulator.

“Yes, I will personally supervise it. So don’t be a fool and don’t make mistakes.”

That’s Hux’s voice.

Kylo’s mind zooms in on that and he finds him in the middle of Starkiller base plans. Next to him the chief technician doesn’t look very comfortable. 

“But, Sir--” the man starts and Hux silences him with a raised eyebrow.

“The weapon is ready, is it not? Do you realize I have told this the Supreme Leader?” Hux’s voice is pure ice and it calms Kylo’s panic down.

Without realizing he takes a few steps forward and stands in front of them, staring down at the current, updated plans of Starkiller. Hux’s neat handwriting is all over the plans. It’s almost funny that Hux is so paranoid that he doesn’t want the plans to be digital. 

Lieutenant Mitaka interrupts them with a steamy cup of tea.

“Here you go, Sir,” Mitaka says. 

Hux takes the large cup between his delicate fingers. 

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” there’s a certain hint of gratefulness in his voice. Kylo tilts his head. He will never understand why Hux tries to subtly put himself on the same step like his underlings. A commander should be feared. And with that fear comes respect.

Kylo can’t quite look away when Hux listens to the chief technician’s rambling and lifts the cup to his lips. His eyes flutter shut when he inhales the scent. Kylo leans closer unconsciously so he can get a whiff too.

As soon as the scent hits his nose, Kylo’s panic subsides completely. 

He’s never smelled something like this before. Does the General drink drugged tea during his time on the bridge? Is he actually that nervous that he has to drink this beverage to be calm all the time? What if he doesn’t drink it? Would his control be gone?

Kylo gets unexpectedly excited by this thought.

Wait --

He can’t be smelling this. He has his mask on. He _shouldn’t_ be able to smell this. 

So why -- ?

“Is there a reason you’re leaning into me, Lord Ren?”

Kylo flinches and actually kicks the chief technician into his rib cage with too much force. 

“What are you drinking, General?” he asks with too much force behind his voice.

Hux smirks.

“Wouldn’t you like to know? That’s from my private stock. I won’t give it to you.”

“I don’t _want_ it,” Kylo scoffs. “I just want to know --”

“Aren’t you needed somewhere else, Ren?” Hux interrupts him and takes another sip from the tea. 

Kylo frowns and can feel the calmness slip away from his mind when Hux turns and goes to the other side of the room, barking some orders.

Kylo’s fingers itch. He wants to close his fingers around that neck and just _snap_ it. 

Why does he even care? He shouldn’t be thinking about unimportant things like this.

He really should board his shuttle and leave this ugly, cold planet.

Kylo leaves the room with a dramatic flair of his robes and promptly crashes into Mitaka.

“Mitaka,” he barks and the lieutenant winces. It’s amusing how he doesn’t want to meet Kylo’s eyes.

Kylo reaches out with his hand and dives right into Mitaka’s mind. It’s with such violent force that Mitaka’s knees buckle.

There. Kylo sees it. The ingredients in Mitaka’s hands for Hux’s tea.

Millaflower - its scent so sweet that it can sooth a rancor. 

And sapflower nectar - the tasty nectar from the rivers of Naboo.

Kylo snaps out of Mitaka’s head and the lieutenant crumples onto the floor, clutching his head.

Kylo has never tasted that particular tea.

And yet…

And yet, he knows exactly what it tastes like.

* * *

The light follows him everywhere.

* * *

“Forgive me. I feel it again. The pull to the light. Supreme Leader senses it. Show me again, the power of the darkness, and I will let nothing stand in our way. Show me, Grandfather, and I will finish what you started.”

Kylo buries his face in his hands and takes a deep breath.

 _Please,_ he thinks desperately. _Please show me **something**_.

Something flashes before his eyes and he can see it. He can see it clearly.

It’s a woman with fierce brown eyes, dark curls and a soft smile that makes his heart unclench a bit.

Kylo feels like he can breathe properly for the first time in ages.

But why does Grandfather send him a vision of ~~his~~ Ben’s grandmother?

A vision how Grandfather saw her.

What is the meaning of this?

* * *

Kylo doesn’t feel well. He grips the handrail hard and stares out into the stars. This shouldn’t be happening. There has to be another way. _Something_.

But it’s too late.

He knows that the pain to come will be unbearable.

He doesn’t want to bear the pain alone. His mind, his _soul_ reaches out, screaming for help.

Kylo closes his eyes and wants nothing more than getting rid of this helmet that seems to constrict him all of the sudden.

And then….

And then he can hear it.

That _intense_ voice. Crystal clear as if he’s standing next to him.

Joy. Bliss. Ecstasy.

“Today is the end of the Republic! The end of a regime that acquiesces to disorder! At this very moment, in a system far from here the New Republic LIES to the GALAXY while secretly supporting the treachery of the loathsome Resistance.”

 _His_ voice dives deep in his mind and the light that follows embraces him. 

Kylo isn’t wondering why he can hear him so perfectly. He’s miles and miles beneath the floating _Finalizer_. Kylo basks in the light that engulfs him.

“This fierce machine which you have built, upon which we stand, will bring an end to the Senate! To their cherished fleet! All remaining systems will bow to the First Order! And will remember _this_... as the last day of the Republic!”

It’s beautiful.

Kylo can feel it all. The pure pleasure. The satisfaction. The revenge.

Hux _loves_ this.

The anticipation is prickling in the air. Here, on the Star Destroyer and down there on Starkiller Base. Kylo can feel it, feel the excitement from everyone. It leaks through the warm light he’s bathing in and then it happens.

“Fire!” Hux rumbles and Kylo can feel Hux’s delight resonating deep within his own mind.

He doesn’t question that he somehow can find comfort in Hux’s very mind. 

(It doesn’t feel like Hux’s mind exactly. It is something else. Kylo doesn’t have the energy to name it.)

For a moment, nothing happens.

But then the blast of firelight explodes into the sky of Starkiller Planet and everyone in the room and on Starkiller Planet is holding their breath.

Everyone but General Hux and Kylo Ren.

Kylo watches the beams of light go and braces himself for the impact. He braces himself for the extinction of billions of souls. 

~~His~~ Ben’s mother had told ~~him~~ Ben once how terrible it had felt to feel Alderaan wiped from the map. Two Billion people souls atomized. Becoming stardust.

She had said that one would never really grasp the concept of that horrible feeling that would flow through the body and mind of a force-sensitive person.

But Kylo is strong.

He almost watches the beaming lights with unexplainable hunger. He wants to watch the worlds burn. Oh, if he could only feel the burning souls of these traitors.

Kylo’s knees buckle when he realizes that these aren’t his thoughts but someone else’s.

He grips the handrail even harder and almost misses the moment when the stars explode because _there is someone thinking in his mind, pushing emotions of pure satisfaction and content into his mind_.

Warm light pushes a wild mixture of _yesjusticesatisfactiontraitors_ in Kylo’s direction and as soon as the worlds are burnt to the core it’s over.

It is ghastly silent in Kylo’s mind.

The echoes of billions of souls screaming are suddenly an irrelevant fact.

The echo of someone else’s soul burning into Kylo’s mind is more important.

* * *

“Pull the division out. Forget the droid. We have what we need.”

He has to take her with him.

She has to be safe, somehow.

He has to protect her.

Somehow, somehow.

 ~~But he can’t. He never could~~.

* * *

He needs to get the map out of her.

He will be gentle.

And then he will alter her mind.

And bring her somewhere safe.

Away from Snoke.

Or maybe it will be more of a mercy, if he would just kill her.

It’s dangerous.

The Force is dangerous for someone like her.

She looks so afraid. So afraid of him.

She doesn’t recognize him.

And suddenly she’s in _his_ head. It feels awful. It hurts. It is nothing like the comforting presence of --

“You’re afraid….” she says. It feels like she is knocking against the steel door in his mind, taking a peek. “...that you will never be with your destined star --”

Kylo withdraws his hand and takes a step back. Confusion and anger are bubbling up in his chest and he feels _shaken to the core_.

The look in her face looks awfully like pity.

Kylo turns around and leaves.

He is not sobbing, but it is a near thing.

* * *

“And the droid?” 

Snoke _knows_.

Kylo hesitates. He doesn’t know _what_ Snoke knows. How much. Kylo is confused. He doesn’t know if this is about Rey or the crack in himself, the path to his soulmate --

“Ren believed it was no longer valuable to us,” a voice says before Kylo can answer.

He turns around and has the laughable urge to reach out - mentally and physically.

As soon as this thought crosses his mind, he turns around again, feeling utterly ashamed.

Hux enters the the room and Kylo can feel his questioning gaze before Hux comes to stand next to him and looks up at Snoke. Face impassive as ever.

“That the girl was all we needed. As a result, the droid has most likely been returned to the hands of the enemy. They may have the map already,” Hux tells Snoke and Kylo has never felt so _betrayed_ in his whole life.

Not even when General Organa and Han Solo decided it would be good for a 10-year-old confused boy to be sent away to a relative he barely knew.

Hux’s words _hurt_.

“Then the Resistance must be destroyed before they get to Skywalker,” Snoke is furious and Kylo can feel his long, slimy fingers brushing over the steel door in his mind, checking if everything is in place. Kylo slams up mental walls and Snoke looks at him thoughtfully. 

Hux drones on about the Resistance being in the Ileenium System but falters for a moment, noticing the staredown between Snoke and Kylo.

Snoke turns to Hux slowly and _smiles_.

Kylo can _feel_ Hux’s urge to take an unconscious step back.

“Good. Then we will crush them once and for all. Prepare the weapon.”

No, no, no, no.

They can’t do this. Not again. Kylo can feel a flicker of _doubt_ from Hux and his mind sighs in relief. 

“Supreme Leader. I can get the map from the girl. I just need your guidance,” he says in a rush, knows that he’s saying it too hastily, that he sounds like a desperate boy. 

Snoke smiles even wider.

“If what you say about this girl is true, bring her to me.”

And the hologram flickers out.

Kylo and Hux stand in the darkness of the large room, only some lights flicker on and off, marking the way to the exit.

Kylo stares ahead stubbornly. He knows that there are tears in his eyes. Why doesn’t Hux just go?

Hux, who will prepare the the weapon again.

Hux, who will be responsible for the death of even more souls.

Hux, who --

“You probably should go to the girl,” Hux says quietly, not quite looking at Kylo. He sighs and turns, walks to the exit in quick, confident steps. “And kill her. It’s the more favorable fate.”

Kylo’s heart clenches.

“Hux,” he says, still staring at the spot where Snoke’s hologram head has been.

The quick steps stop abruptly. Hux waits.

In that moment Kylo knows that he can tell Hux.That General Hux won’t judge him for his next words. That he will be _safe_ with him.

“Please don’t fire the weapon.”

Hux doesn’t answer.

But it takes him a few seconds before he resumes walking to the exit.

There’s something sneaking into Kylo’s mind.

It’s _warm_ and _understanding_.

* * *

She’s gone when he enters the interrogation room.

It’s the moment he knows that he can’t save her.

Nobody can.

Her fate is sealed.

Kylo Ren ignites his saber and slashes through the console furiously.

Behind his mask sweat and tears are joining each other.

* * *

“Ben!”

Kylo stops on the catwalk and turns around.

An old man is coming toward him. It takes Kylo all of his strength to not reach out and invade his mind, searching the memories greedily.

“Han Solo. I've been waiting for this day for a long time.” His voice doesn’t shake but it’s a near thing. 

When Han Solo stands before him, Kylo can feel a gentle pull to the light but nothing compared to the strong pull he has felt for weeks now. The pull leading to --

“Take off that mask. You don’t need it,” Han says and Ben squirms inside him. Thinks about all the times Han Solo has scolded his son when he had tried to hide his face.

“What do you think you’ll see if I do?” 

_Please don’t make me do this._

“The face of my son.” It is spoken with dead certainty and Kylo takes off his mask out of spite. 

Because this time, Han Solo needs to see that he is wrong.

“Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish, like his father. So I destroyed him.”

“No,” Han says with hard eyes. “That's what Snoke wants you to believe. But it's not true. My son is alive. 

The sun is gone and the face of Han Solo disappears in the darkness.

Kylo feels tears stinging in his eyes.

“He probably is. Why else would he still scream after his _soulmate_?” he says, suddenly _understanding_. He can feel Han Solo’s surprise, too. “But it’s too late.”

Everything is too late. For him, for Rey, and certainly for Han Solo.

“No it's not. Leave here with me. Come home. We miss you. We will find your soulmate, I promise,” Han Solo’s voice is oddly soft and free from its usual roughness. The tone threatens to unfold deeply hidden memories.

“I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain,” Kylo says and blinks away the tears in his eyes. It _hurts_. The constant pull to the light. He wants it to _end_. He needs to destroy _Ben_. Once and for all.

“I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?”

Han Solo takes a hopeful step forwards and Kylo can hear his thoughts without even trying. Because they are so _loud_.

“Yes. Anything,” Han Solo - ~~Ben’s~~ his father says and Kylo wants to cry. Maybe he does. He unholsters his lightsaber and is overwhelmed by the _gratitude_ he can feel radiating from him and just holds onto his lightsaber.

The last beam of sunlight vanishes in the large area and Kylo leans in when Han smiles.

“That’s the problem,” Kylo whispers and Han stiffens. “He is _not_ on your side.”

And he ignites the lightsaber and pierces it right through Han’s body.

Kylo can feel Han’s soul slowly burning out. It’s worse than feeling billions of people die. Because when the Hosnian System had been destroyed, Kylo had been protected by --

Han looks at him softly and without regret. He’s happy that he’s seen his son one last time.

 _You’re going to find him,_ he seems to say. _And you’re going to be free of this pain._

Han falls.

Kylo falls.

Ben screams.

And five stories above them General Hux is forced to his knees and feels like his head is exploding because there’s a terrible scream in his mind.

* * *

He has to kill them.

It’s mercy.

He will show mercy.

It’s the only way he can protect her from the Supreme Leader.

“Traitor!” he screams at FN-2187 and is shocked when he sees his Grandfather’s lightsaber. “That lightsaber! It belongs to me!”

Kylo’s wound slows his movements and it takes an huge amount of energy to keep him from going into shock.

He almost laughs when his little cousin slices through him.

Why didn’t she end him?

* * *

The ground rumbles beneath him and Kylo looks at the stars.

They are so beautiful.

He wants to reach out to touch them. They twinkle like the jewels in his mother’s hidden cabinet. He wonders if she still has the filigrane crown.The crown filled with star dust.

She had allowed him to wear it a few times.

Ages ago.

When he had woken from a bad dream (his soulmate’s life being miserable).

She’d told him he looked beautiful and called him _my little prince_.

The tears on his cheeks are slowly freezing. 

If he had the energy, he would sob. 

His numb skin starts to tickle. There’s a warmth slowly creeping up his feet, engulfs his legs, whispers around his wound on the side. 

“You’re so close, Darling.”

Kylo tries to look to the side but it’s only his eyes that can look. His whole body feels so heavy, his head is filled with dread. He just can’t move.

Leaning against a heavily vibrating pine tree is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.

She is wearing a traditional Nabooian dress that reminds him of his Grandmother and long blonde hair that is so pale that it almost looks white.

She smiles and her evergreen eyes are sparkling.

 _Who are you?_ he wants to ask. But his throat is closed up and another wave of tears is threatening to cover the frozen ones on his face, threaten to burn his face even more.

The warmth is spreading further over his torso and the woman looks at something behind him. Her soft smile calms Kylo and she takes a step forward to him.

“Ren--” someone says, but Kylo can only stare at the woman slowly coming closer and kneeling down next to him. She doesn’t leave footprints in the snow but her force energy is _immense_.

“Ren,” again that voice.

“My little boy came for you,” she says. “Oh you will be so beautiful together.”

A warm, gloveless finger is touching his neck to feel his pulse and it _burns_.  
His eyes flicker to the right and General Hux is staring down at him, his face is _not_ impassive.

He looks _scared_.

The glove he took off to feel Kylo’s pulse is still dangling between his teeth and his green, green eyes are raw with emotion.

“Take it,” the woman says and Kylo’s eyes turn to her again. 

She holds out a small key. 

“Don’t be afraid. The stars are shining bright for you tonight.”

“Ren, look at me,” Hux says, trying to get his attention. “We’ll get you out of here soon.”

Kylo is still staring at the woman holding out the small, ordinary key.

“Armand will take care of you. I promise. Everything will turn out fine. You two are going to rule the galaxy together. Just take it,” she encourages him, her hand hovering above his clenched fist.

And Ren opens his hand. 

She drops the key into his open palm.

The steel door in his mind comes crashing down.

Kylo’s eyes snap up to Hux’s and he finally _knows_ where the constant pull in his life came from.

His mind screams _Brendol Armand Hux_ over and over again.

Hux takes his chin and slowly, _gently_ , lifts it.

 _We are doomed,_ Kylo thinks, basking in the warmth Hux’s soul is radiating.

 _I know,_ Hux thinks.

 _We have to leave. **He** knows_.

_I know._

There are Stormtroopers approaching, carrying a stretcher.

 _I hate you,_ Kylo thinks and slips into darkness.

_I know._

His slumped hand is lifted and cold lips are touching his knuckles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when it said 4 chapters? i lied.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well....okay now there are six chapters. I swear six is the endgame.
> 
> Also, there's a bit of violence in the chapter, so please be aware of that.

General Hux has his eyes closed, relishing the cool glass of the bacta tank against his burning forehead. He’s alone in the Medbay except for the ghostly man floating in the bacta before him. 

_What am I even doing here?_ Hux wonders. His eyes flutter open and he leans back again. There is nothing audible in the room despite the small bubbles rushing through the fluid when Ren is breathing out. He’d been so scared when he had seen Ren lying in the snow, slowly dying. And he _was_ dying. Hux had _felt_ it. 

It was the most terrifying thing he’d ever felt in his life.

He’d known as soon as Lord Ren has set his foot on the Finalizer.

How could he not?

It wasn’t that hard to conclude when you’re dreaming of metal and rage and seeing the world through _eye slits_.

Hux’d been overwhelmed at first, after his realization that his soulmate wasn’t dead--like he assumed for more than a decade. But being in Ren’s close proximity had always made him reeling and feeling violently ill.

When he’d greeted his soulmate for the first time, Hux had realized that something was very, _very_ wrong.

Kylo Ren hadn’t acknowledged their bond and was a pain in the ass the whole time.

Hux had come to a terrible conclusion then. 

_Maybe he’s **my** soulmate_ , he’d thought one night, terribly drunk on Corellian rum. _But I’m not **his**._

And that conclusion was just the tip of the iceberg of General Hux’s so-called life.

And so he had ignored the pull of the bond and had treated Ren like the other man deserved. He treated him like he wasn’t worth Bantha shit.

And look at him now.

Something had happened in the snowy forest right in front of the destruction of Hux’s greatest accomplishment.

Hux has no idea what exactly, but something had clearly happened. Because Ren had looked him in the eyes with _recognition_.

And the bond opened then and there.

And it was still open.

Hux can feel everything.

Kylo Ren is hurting. And not only physical. He’s screaming inside his head which has resulted in the most uncomfortable headache Hux has ever experienced. That’s why he has left his position on the bridge quickly and has come down here, sending all medical droids away. The headache has lessened as soon as he came near his soulmate. 

Hux stares at Kylo Ren and wonders if the pain would fade away completely if he’d be able to touch Ren. 

He puts his flat palm on the cool glass right there where Kylo Ren’s hand is hovering. 

This is all a mess and very inconvenient. Hux doesn’t know what to do. He’s had suspected for a while that Snoke knew something but Kylo’s words whispered in his mind won’t leave him now. 

Snoke has ordered to bring Kylo Ren to his citadel as soon as possible, healing be damned.

Hux knows that he won’t see his soulmate again after that. The probability that Hux will die soon is high.

The question is whether Snoke will do it himself or if he will send Ren after him. 

Hux bets on the latter.

Well, then. He can’t let that happen. 

It is simple, really. 

There is only one way to ensure that he will live. And by extension Kylo Ren, his soulmate.

Supreme Leader Snoke has to die.

* * *

He’s sitting in his office with, a tumbler filled with clear liquid next to his right hand when there’s a soft knock at his door. 

“Enter,” he says. The door slides open and reveals Captain Phasma. Hux stands from his chair and clasps his hands behind his back.

“Captain. On the dot like always. Please have a seat,” he tells her and gestures to the chair opposite his desk, reserved for visitors. “And please do me the favour of taking your helmet off.”

He usually doesn’t demand this but this topic will be rather _delicate_ and he’d rather see her face then. She can school her facial expressions very well but Hux has known her long enough to be able to read her. 

She doesn’t hesitate before taking the helmet off and Hux is glad for that. He doesn’t have friends, can’t allow himself friends, but if he had some, she would probably be his best one. 

“Is something the matter, General?” She asks, putting the helmet down on his desk briskly and sits down. He offers her the crystal clear liquor but she declines. Hux fills a glass of water instead which she takes with a nod. 

“There is, actually,” Hux answers without preamble and sits down, too. She tilts her head slightly, blue eyes scanning his face. She says nothing, knowing that he will elaborate.

“How loyal are the troopers to you, Captain?” He asks and her face betrays nothing. 

“They will gladly follow me into death, General,” she says without hesitation and Hux hums, swirling the liquor a bit before taking a small sip.

“How loyal are you to me, Captain?” He then asks. Again, she answers with no hesitation.

“I will gladly follow you into death, General.”

Well, that makes things easier, he supposes. He never doubted her loyalty, but hearing it eases the tension in his body a bit. 

A beat of silence passes before he asks the last question. The important question.

“How loyal are you and your troopers to Supreme Leader Snoke?” 

That earns him a small twitch of her lips. She looks like something in her head finally makes sense and takes a sip from her water.

“That depends, Sir,” she says and Hux taps his fingers on the desk.

“On what?”

“If _you’re_ loyal to him.”

Hux can’t help the smirk that’s ghosting over his face and leans back. 

“I’d rather have him dead,” he tells her and she just nods.

“So that’s settled then. Be assured that my troopers and I will stand behind you, no matter what. Your path is not finished yet. _You’re_ the true leader of the First Order. Everyone on the _Finalizer_ knows this. No matter what you will decide, we will follow.”

He’s actually a bit touched by her words. His face stays impassive though and he just nods.

“Very well. Thank you for this enlightening conversation, Captain Phasma. I shall speak to you soon. You’re dismissed.”

Phasma stands up and takes her helmet. Before she puts it on again, she hesitates for a moment (that’s a new one) but searches his gaze nonetheless.

“Sir,” she says. “If I may ask. Is there a reason for this?”

She sounds sincere and Hux knows he can trust her. She’s probably the only trustworthy person on board. (Hux doesn’t know about his soulmate, but surely he will find out, soon.)

He allows himself a sigh and downs the liquid. 

“Kylo Ren.”

“Ah,” is all she says and puts on her helmet. “Good Day, Sir.”

Hux watches her go and smiles when he’s alone in the room again. The smile vanishes when an uncomfortable headache starts to blossom behind his temples. 

Kylo Ren is screaming in his head again.

Hux closes his eyes, rubs his temples and takes a deep breath.

* * *

When the security cameras are all turned the other way a few hours later, Hux stands behind the night cycle technician who is responsible for the hyperdrive. 

“All done, Sir,” the man says after a few minutes of typing into the console. The hyperdrive motivator groans and sizzles on cue and warning messages flare up on all the consoles in the engine room. 

“Thank you,” Hux says and shoots him in the head with his blaster. Two of Phasma’s most trusted Stormtroopers haul the corpse up and throw him out of the nearest airlock.

Hux leaves the engine room and the security cameras turn the right way again.

Hux lies down in his bed later, feeling content.

* * *

Kylo Ren looks pathetic.

Hux stands at the side of Ren’s bed and Ren refuses to meet his eyes.

Through the bond he can feel _anxietyembarrassmenthatehopelessness._

Hux has no idea how it works but he tries to send a wave of _reassurance_ and Ren’s breathing calms a bit.

“It’s good to see you awake. Well, more like alive. How are you feeling?” 

It’s a stupid question, really. He can feel how Ren feels. And the other man feels like shit. 

Ren just shrugs and doesn’t give him an answer. Petulant child.

But Hux doesn’t give up and sits down on the chair next to the bed. 

“I have a few questions for you and I advise you to answer them. Truthfully. I can _feel_ you lying now,” Hux tips his index finger at his temple and that’s the first time that he looks Hux in the eyes since the General has entered the room. Ren looks irritated, lost and a bit murderous.

Hux decides he likes that look.

It’s almost endearing.

Ren frowns at him then.

Hux tries to hide his smirk and fails.

“Of all people…” Ren mumbles and Hux makes a ‘tsk’ sound. 

“Why, fuck you. Maybe this all could have been avoided, if you asshole wouldn’t have cut me off years ago. I thought you were dead. Thanks for that, by the way.”

Ren opens his mouth as if wanting to defend himself but then clearly decides that he doesn’t want to talk about this whole soulmate business. Fine by Hux. This whole topic had made enough of a mess already. These _emotions_ were very inappropriate. At least for him. 

“What are your questions then?” Ren asks.

Hux doesn’t beat around the bush. 

“How loyal are the Knights of Ren to you?” He asks and Ren’s reaction to this question is the total opposite of Phasma’s. Ren looks confused at first and then his brows furrow and he looks at Hux warily.

“I am their Master. I made them what they are. They answer only to me.”

Hux nods. He has already expected this answer. Good.

“How loyal are you and your Knights to _me?_ ” 

Now Ren tries to sit up, winces, grips his side and falls back on the pillow again. 

“You are a mere General of the First Order. They do not have an opinion of you. If I am loyal to you, they are.”

Hux refrains from rolling his eyes. Barely.

“Well, are you?” He asks and Ren stares at him. A wave of _wonder_ washes over Hux and Ren searches his gaze, holds it.

“You are my soulmate,” Ren finally says and Hux is glad that they are the only ones in the room. This isn’t information Ren should speak of loudly but Hux lets it slide - for the moment.

“Thank you, Lord Obvious. Would you be loyal if it weren’t the case?”

Ren closes his eyes as if the question pains him more than his injuries. Maybe it does. Hux wouldn’t know.

“...Yes,” Kylo Ren says and Hux is surprised by that. Surprised, but pleased.

“I see,” Hux says, trying to keep his voice neutral. But the bond seems to send some of his true feelings about this question to Ren because Ren barely hides a small smile. “Good. Last question, Lord Ren. How loyal are you and your Knights to Snoke?”

Now Ren looks helpless and distant. 

“I will not answer this question,” he sneers at Hux who in reply just raises an eyebrow. Interesting.

“Very well,” Hux leans forward in his chair and takes Ren’s left hand in his. “I will come back to this question later.” 

Ren’s eyes widen and he looks at their entwined hands now, clearly confused. “I need your help,” Hux admits, the burn of the bond thrumming through his veins. “You have to build a mental barrier around one particular thought. One that even Snoke can’t break. One that is more powerful than the one you put between you and me all those years ago, we’re going to talk about that later, by the way. So can you do it? _Will_ you do it?”

Hux rubs his thumb over the pulse point on Ren’s wrist and Ren takes his time in answer. Hux doesn’t push. He just continues stroking Ren’s wrist. One minute passes. Two. Three.

“Yes, I shall try.”

Again, Hux is surprised. This is the most civilized conversation they’ve ever had. Is it because of the sudden bond? Or can’t Ren think clearly with all the _hurt_ radiating?

“I need to get right in, though,” Ren gestures to Hux’s head. “And you have to tell me what thought I should shield.”

“Oh, that’s easy,” Hux says, smiling in his own cruel way. “I can’t let Snoke find out that I want him dead.”

Ren’s hand freezes in the air and he looks at Hux, shocked. But he doesn’t get angry. He just stares and Hux holds his gaze. 

“Is it because of the bond? You know that he forced me to cut the connection?” Ren asks quietly. 

“I assumed you did this,” Hux admits but hearing that still hurt. “You just _shut me out_.” Yes, he said they wouldn’t talk about this now but … 

Ren winces and bites his lip. He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t apologize. Hux doesn’t expect it but there’s still a bit of anger thrumming through his veins.

“Come here,” Ren says and beckons Hux closer. Hux complies and is almost kneeling on the bed. Ren lifts his hands and puts them on either side of Hux’s face. Hux can feel his warmth and something hot, but not unpleasant, creeps into Hux’s head, seeping from Ren’s fingers. He can feel Ren riffling through his thoughts and can feel the exact moment, Ren stumbles upon the memory of Hux seeing him bleeding out in the snow. He’s extracting the absolutely horrifying feeling he had upon seeing Ren dying in the forest. 

“That’s not the thought,” Hux hisses and Ren flinches slightly and the search continues. Hux starts to sweat slightly when Ren begins to gather every little thought about Hux’s wish to kill the Supreme Leader, to best him, to rule --

“Ruler of the Galaxy?” Ren asks in a slightly amused tone and starts to build the mental walls, banishes the thoughts to the back of Hux’s mind, where even Snoke can’t reach (hopefully).

Hux just smirks...

“I am destined to rule,” he says. “And now that I know that Snoke will kill me -- either for the Starkiller failure or simply being your soulmate -- is the time to walk this path.”

The mental walls slam up completely and Ren lets go of him. 

Hux wonders why he let the other man into his head. Why he isn’t guarded. Hux is known for not-trusting.

And yet.

Maybe this soulmate business is deeper than he thought.

How very inconvenient. 

“Thank you,” is all he says.

Ren just shrugs, looking paler than before and Hux wonders how much energy this must have cost. 

“You probably will fail. He will have your head. And mine too,” Ren mumbles and Hux actually laughs at this.

“I will not fail. Not again,” he assures the other man. “And do you want to know why?” 

Ren says nothing, just looks at him. Hux looks him square in the eyes and says,

“Because you’re on _my_ side now.”

Ren presses his lips together but doesn’t argue. Hux supposes, he just _can’t_ argue. Not with the truth.

They are interrupted by a medical officer. Hux lets go of Ren and stands up. As soon as he doesn’t touch Ren’s skin anymore, he feels lost. What an odd feeling. He hasn’t felt like this in a long time. 

“Get well soon, Ren. It’s going to take a while until we reach the Supreme Leader. Unfortunately the hyperdrive motivator malfunctioned,” Hux says and feels a rush of _noyoudidn’t_ coming from Ren. He doesn’t look back but he makes sure to have his nose high in the air when he leaves.

* * *

“Supreme Leader,” Hux greets the hologram a few hours later, standing straight, looking at Snoke with awareness. “I am saddened to inform you that a Resistance Traitor has broken our hyperdrive motivator. I do not know how long it will take to repair it.”

Snoke eyes him with mistrust, folding his long, thin fingers under his chin.

“You have to bring my apprentice to me by one of your Shuttles then,” Supreme Leader tells him. No, he orders him. Hux clenches his fists.

“Most of the _Finalizer’s_ Shuttles were on Starkiller Base, Supreme Leader. They went down with the planet.” _Just like half of my cew,_ he thinks bitterly. “I need the rest of the Shuttles for supply runs. And to visit Tatooine. I am sure we can hunt down a new hyperdrive motivator there.”

It’s risky, Hux knows. His gaze at Snoke doesn’t waver and suddenly he can feel them; slimey hands reaching right into his mind and he tries to think of nothing but the fall of Starkiller Base, brings up schematics from the _Finalizer’s_ engine room, the taste of Corellian rum on his tongue. The fingers don’t even get near the mental walls Ren has built for him. They are very well hidden.

Snoke retreats from his mind.

“If I find out that this is some childish urge to keep your soulmate, be warned, General.” Snoke says at last. “ _You_ are the obstacle in Lord Ren’s path to true greatness. I will not allow for you to pull him to the Light.”

Anger flares up in Hux but he shoves it down.

Not the time.

“I do not have a soulmate, Supreme Leader. The son of Han Solo and Leia Organa died over a decade ago,” he assures Snoke and decides to grovel a bit, too. “I would never allow myself to stand in the glorious path you have forseen for Lord Ren. All I want is for the First Order to rise and bring order in the galaxy.”

Snoke regards him again, clearly wondering if Hux actually came up with the nerve to lie to him. 

“Very well, General. I cannot spare a Shuttle myself, so be it. I expect everything repaired in two Standard weeks. If Kylo Ren isn’t delivered to me by then, I will make sure you won’t see the day when the First Order will finally rule.”

The hologram flickers out before Hux can say anything to that. 

A single drop of sweat runs down his temple and he notices that he has torn one of his gloves behind his back.

* * *

He doesn’t visit his soulmate in the medbay again.

The way he feels around Lord Ren...

It’s so borderline comfortable and Hux doesn’t know how to deal with that. So he dives into regrouping the troops that are left, wonders if his idea of taking out the hyperdrive motivator was a good idea and sends Phasma off to Tatooine with their last remaining shuttles. She and her most loyal troopers will be gone for a Standard week. With her gone and his second-in-command still healing, Hux feels oddly lost on the Bridge of the _Finalizer_.

He hates that sentimental emotion and chides himself to get a grip.

He has plans to write down.

A destiny to fulfill.

When he walks the corridors of his beloved ship, he can sense something like excitement buzzing through his crew whenever he passes them. They greet him enthusiastically and he wonders if they can guess what he’s planning. When he sees his officers or some troopers without their helmets on, they nod at him with utter respect and their eyes shine bright as if to tell him _We are ready_.

It kind of lifts Hux’s spirits after the disaster that was the destruction of Starkiller Base and he develops his plans with far more enthusiasm.

* * *

It’s been seven cycles after his audience with Snoke when there’s a soft knock on the door of Hux’s chambers.

The bond that has been eerily silent for a while, hums with pleasure. 

Hux turns around in his chair and says, “Enter.”

The doors slide open and Kylo Ren comes into his room, clothed lighter than Hux has ever seen before. He’s not wearing his cowl, and the heavy robes are gone, too. He just stands there in Hux’s door frame in black pants, a simple black tunic, and black boots that look very heavy. 

It looks good.

There’s a flicker in Ren’s eyes and Hux wonders if he’s heard that.

He reminds himself to not think too loudly and waves his hand.

“Come in, Lord Ren,” he tells the other man. 

Ren does come in then and doesn’t sit when Hux gestures to the free chair that Phasma had sat on a while ago. He rounds Hux’s desk to stand before him, looming over the General. Hux tilts back his head and raises an eyebrow, refusing to be intimidated. 

(How could he? He’s Hux’s _soulmate_. He’d never do that. Soulmates shouldn’t be capable of doing that. And yet…. Hux refuses to think about the moment when Ben Solo cut their bond almost completely.)

“Hux,” Ren starts and Hux has the urge to set some boundaries. Their normal ones were somewhat lost, buried with Starkiller itself.

“That’s _General_ Hux to you,” Hux says, refusing to stand up. Instead he leans back in his chair and sends out a relaxed vibe to Ren.

Ren makes a face and looks like he wants to argue with that, but then seems to think better of it and just nods.

“General Hux. The whole ship is buzzing with excitement. I can hear traitorous thoughts _everywhere_ ,” he says accusingly.

Hux can’t help but look up at Ren smugly.

“You know exactly what’s happening. You even helped me with the first step,” he reminds him and Ren sighs.

“Is this about the whole soulmate business? Some sort of sick revenge?” He asks and Hux scoffs at that.

“Don’t make your part bigger than it actually is, Lord Ren,” he tells him. “Let’s just say, this… _revelation_ was just the tip of the iceberg. The last straw. I’ve planned this for years if you must know.”

There’s a beat of silence and then Ren actually barks a laugh. He’s laughing at him.

“Hux -- General -- You can’t be serious. This is...you cannot just _dethrone_ the Supreme Leader and crown yourself. That’s preposterous.”

Hux lets Ren have his little laugh and finally does stand up when Ren is finally finished.

“This isn’t a joke,” Hux says dangerously silent, poking his finger in Ren’s chest, noting how muscular it is. “But I also know that I can’t do it alone. You’re the last missing piece in this plan. I didn’t know that you were, but now….seeing this whole _soulmate business_...it does make perfect sense.”

“I can’t betray my master,” Ren tells him, but he doesn’t sound very sure. This is the exact moment when Hux knows that he has him. Always had him. Hux just didn’t know better.

“You already did with helping me shield my thought,” Hux points out and Ren’s shoulders drop. 

“He’s going to kill me, Ren,” Hux says softly. His tone surprises him and Ren simultaneously. “I really don’t want to die. And I know that I won’t if I have you by my side. You and your knights. You can’t tell me that you want your soulmate dead? I heard it is terrible agony for the person that gets left behind. I should know, you almost did that to me.”

Ren flinches violently at Hux’s accusation and takes a step back.

Hux misses his warmth immediately. 

And scolds himself for being so _sentimental_ again.

“Think about it, Lord Ren,” Hux says when it becomes clear that Ren wants to leave. “It is going to happen in one standard week. Captain Phasma will have everything we need in a few cycles and we have to go to Snoke’s planet. I _will_ carry out my plan. With or without you. I’d just prefer it if you were by my side and not….his.”

Ren doesn’t look at him, just turns around and presses his palm on the console next to the door so it would slide open. His back is tense and Hux stares at it, wondering if his own soulmate would brand him as a traitor and kill him. 

“She told me, you know…” Ren says, still not looking at Hux.

Hux frowns.

“Who told you what exactly?” He asks. 

“That we’re going to rule the galaxy together.”

Ren doesn’t tell him whom he is talking about and leaves.

Hux stares at the closed door for a long time, having memories of a drunk vision. His mother’s words.

* * *

He doesn’t see Kylo Ren again. At least not on the _Finalizer_. He simply has vanished. Nobody has seen him and the tracker in his belt is deactivated too. He must lurk somewhere on this ship, though. 

He also doesn’t dream. Kylo Ren must be asleep at the same time like him. 

(Their bond feels dull, muted, and Hux feels sick.)

Hux tries not to think too hard about it. 

He has a coup d'état to plan.

(Oh, and how glorious this plan is.)

* * *

Hux looks down at the planet that’s supposed to have the Supreme Leader on it. 

He has no idea if his plan will work but he will gladly go down with his ship if it comes to that. Kylo Ren still hasn’t shown up but there’s no notification that a shuttle has started to descend down to the planet, so he must still be here.

And he hasn’t stopped Hux yet.

So he’s probably sulking somewhere, waiting how it turns out.

Well, if he does, Ren is rather stupid, Hux thinks. Because even if his plan doesn’t work out, Snoke will have Ren’s head for not preventing Hux from it.

So Hux’s hopes are still up.

 _Hope is a waking dream, Darling_ , his mother has told him once. 

Hux has recorded a holomessage for Snoke that Kylo Ren will be brought down now.

He got a positive response and the planet’s irritatingly Force Shields dropped.

Right at that second the other four Star Destroyers of the First Order appear in the atmosphere of the planet, surrounding it. 

In the nano second he needs before giving the order he imagines the soft hand of his mother on his cheek, telling him that she’s never been prouder.

“Fire,” Hux says and the world around him explodes in the wonderful colors of pure destruction.

* * *

When he lands on the planet and exits the Shuttle with Captain Phasma and the troopers, hard rain is pelting down on them, plastering Hux’s hair on his head. It’s terribly humid on this starforsaken planet and Hux has difficulties to breathe normally. 

Snoke’s citadel is in ruins, the flames aren’t bothered by the heavy rain and continue to destroy Snoke’s home. Snoke himself is standing in front of it, so much smaller than the hologram.

“General,” Snoke sneers, seemingly not bothered that the First Order just conquered this small planet and he himself being surrounded. “I should have known that you are a treacherous, stupid bastard.”

Hux takes a step forward puts his hand on his blaster, but doesn’t draw it, not yet.

“Snoke,” he says. “I came to claim my rightful place as the Head of the First Order.”

“Oh, of course,” Snoke says, the creature radiating smugness and Hux wonders why Snoke looks like he’s a cat who got the cream. Hux always imagined him begging for his life, begging Hux to spare him, send him into banishment. 

“And the whole First Order stands behind you?” Snoke asks conversationally and Hux almost can feel how all the officers and commanders from the other Star Destroyers are straightening their backs, showing full support for him. 

“Give up, Snoke. I will bring the First Order to a glory that you will never be able to do, hiding under your rock. The First Order was never a concern to you. You don’t care about the galaxy. About bringing justice into it again. _I_ care. Please prepare for your execution. If you come willingly, I will ensure you have a quick death.”

“Oh, but General,” Snoke smirks at him. “You have forgotten something.” 

And behind Snoke, emerging from the smoking shadows Kylo Ren appears and stands before Snoke like the protector Snoke wants him to be. He has a mask on, identical to the one that was lost during the destruction of Starkiller.

Hux stares at him and he can feel the tension ripple through his troops.

Ren ignites his lightsaber and the other Knights of Ren emerge from the shadows; all wearing ridiculous masks and heavily armed. They slowly walk towards their master since he summoned them. They all turn to face Hux and his troops, their masks looking even more ghastly through the rain and darkness, only illuminated by the flames around them.

“You see, General. You can have all the armies you want,” Snoke tells him. “But who will lead them when you’re _dead_?”

Hux doesn’t have the time to answer because Ren lifts his lightsaber and the other Knights are preparing their weapons too. Hux can feel Phasma load her blaster rifle but he holds out a hand to stop her. If this is how it ends, so be it. 

He tried.

Hux can’t help the strong emotion of _betrayal_ that he sends through their bond but he almost physically feels that the emotion he has sent doesn’t reach its destination. 

He’s blocked out again.

For a moment time seems to stand still and even the thunder around is silent. Only the sound of pouring rain is audible.

And then Kylo Ren _moves_.

But instead of being murdered, Hux witnesses how the Knights of Ren and their Master turn around, face Snoke and attack him. The lightsaber decapitates Snoke and every other weapon by the Knights slice through the body.

Snoke dies in _pieces_.

The knights and Kylo Ren stand around the corpse, staring down at it. 

Hux doesn’t dare to move or say something. 

Finally, Kylo Ren looks up, turns off his lightsaber and clasps it on his belt. His Knights do the same, stuffing their weapons away. 

The bond between Hux and Kylo Ren opens again and Hux is greeted with _rightfulnessadorationcontentmentrelief_. The force behind these emotions almost makes his knees buckle.

Kylo Ren removes his helmet and the other Knights follow his example. All of them kneel down, right in front of Hux. Kylo Ren looks up, his intense gaze burning into Hux.

“Hail, Brendol Armand Hux, new leader of the First Order and future savior of the galaxy,” Ren says with a firm voice that seems to vibrate through Hux’s body and his mind. He can’t name the emotion he feels when Ren says it but he knows that he never has felt something like this before.

“Hail, Brendol Armand Hux, new leader of the First Order and future savior of the galaxy,” the Knights of Ren repeat, looking up at Hux, acknowledging him with respect in their eyes.

“ _Hail, Brendol Armand Hux, new leader of the First Order and future savior of the galaxy,_ ” booms every single trooper and officer behind Hux. 

And the heavy rain stops, the dark clouds vanish and reveal the brightly shining stars above them.


	5. Chapter 5

“So, it’s decided then. General Hux is the new leader of the First Order,” Captain Phasma says, nodding at Hux who is sitting at the head of the table of a meeting room of the _Finalizer_ and tries very hard not to grin. 

The commanders of the other six First Order Star Destroyers nod solemnly and a weird tension builds in the room. Everyone is looking at him. Apparently they expect a speech. Well, he’s good at speeches. And since they just have voted for him unanimously, he can give them a short one. He clears his throat but before he can say anything at all, the door to the meeting room slides open and Mitaka steps into the room, cheeks flushed and looking excited.

“General Hux, sir. I am so sorry for the interruption but you told me to only interrupt if it is very important. And we’ve found something, sir. In the citadel. Something very important,” he says and Hux raises an eyebrow. Mitaka is no idiot, so the interruption may be justified. Hence, Hux refrains from scolding Mitaka in front of the other commanders and stands up.

“I am terribly sorry, but as you can see. I have business to attend. I feel honored and deeply thankful that you all voted for me being your leader. And as your new leader I want you to go back to your ships and continue running the tight regiment you’ve already been doing. I will send new orders at the end of this cycle, at 2100. Dismissed.”

The men and women sitting around the table all nod curtly and leave the room. 

“Is it for my eyes only, Lieutenant?” Hux asks when only Phasma, he and Mitaka are the last ones in the room. 

Mitaka looks at Phasma and shakes his head.

“No, Sir. I think it would be good if Captain Phasma hears it too. I think you will want to tell it everyone, soon.”

Now, Hux’s curiosity is piqued. 

“Do tell,” he says, leaning back in his chair and gesture for Phasma and Mitaka to take a seat at the table, too. Phasma takes her helmet off and Mitaka fiddles with the console in the middle of the table. A hologram appears above the round table and Hux squints his eyes a bit. 

“It’s a blueprint,” he says and leans forward. “It’s the blueprint of Starkiller Base. Why would you show me this?”

“Sir. While this is a blueprint of Starkiller it isn’t the blueprint of _our_ Starkiller,” Mitaka says, grinning at Hux in a pleased way. “This is Starkiller II. Supre-- uh I mean, Snoke apparently had another Starkiller built in secret. The one employee that we found who didn’t commit suicide like the others says that Snoke had it built simultaneously. She says that Snoke had a Force vision that told him that _our_ Starkiller won’t last, so…”

Mitaka stops when he sees the blank fury in Hux’s face and looks at Phasma a bit helplessly. But Phasma doesn’t look at him; she is frowning at the blueprint, too.

“He built a second Starkiller? With what resources?” She asks and Mitaka’s grin vanishes from his face and he sighs.

“Yes, that,” he says. “Apparently he used recruits who hadn’t been assigned to a ship yet. And… after the completion he had them all killed, so it would be a secret.”

Phasma turns white and presses her lips together and Hux stands up from his chair.

“Where is Lord Ren?” He asks. Because if Ren knew this….

“You left him on the bridge, sir,” Mitaka says and Hux groans inwardly because he had simply forgotten. 

“Yes, thank you. Please brief Captain Phasma about the rest of the citadel searching,” he orders and Mitaka just nods. Hux turns to Phasma. “If it is alright with you, I want you to brief me at 2030, after dinner.”

Phasma nods and Hux leaves the meeting room. He makes his way to the bridge in long strides, seething about the newest development. Not that having another Starkiller is bad -- it is brilliant actually, not everything is lost -- but the _way_ it has been built. A whole battalion of troopers dead -- for nothing. How could he have not noticed that?

“General on the bridge,” an officer announces when Hux reaches the bridge. Ren is standing in front of the viewport, hands clasped behind his back and staring at the stars. He doesn’t react when Hux is announced and Hux stalks up to him.

“Lord Ren,” he says urgently and Ren turns to him, his dark eyes looking at him questioningly. He hasn’t put the mask on since they defeated Snoke five cycles ago. “I need you to come to my office. Now.” He stalks down the bridge and doesn’t bother to look behind him. Ren had better follow him.

(The bond between them is sighing in pleasure and Hux feels warm all over so Ren has to be behind him.)

“Angwat, you have the bridge now,” Ren says from behind him before they leave the bridge. He’s walking next to Hux but Hux doesn’t talk to him; he wants to ask about this delicate matter in private.

They reach his office after a few minutes and as soon as the door slides shut, Hux stares Ren down.

“Did you know?” He hisses.

Ren just raises a dark eyebrow and leans against his desk, crinkling a paper that is lying at the edge of the desk. Hux’s hand twitches because he wants to pull the paper out from under him. Must he always leave chaos everywhere? Doesn’t he realize that there’s a perfectly good chair right in front of him? 

“Know what? Be a bit more specific, General.” Ren sounds amused. Hux hates him.

(No, he doesn’t.)

“Did you know that there is a second Starkiller?”

There. Ren looks uncomfortable. Hux can feel his discomfort brimming through the bond. 

“Stars, you _knew_?” Hux hisses and wants to tug his hair in frustration. He refrains -- barely. “Do you also know _how_ he did this?”

Ren merely shrugs and looks away. 

“He used some recruits. What’s your problem anyway?” He asks and Hux gapes at him..

“What my...problem is?” He asks slowly. “My problem is that Starkiller is _mine_. The design is _mine_. _I_ am in charge of it.”

“Well, you _were_ in charge of it. Before it blew up in your face, that is,” Ren points out and Hux wants to _murder_ him. 

“They are _my_ recruits. I am in charge of the program! I thought I could kriffing _trust_ you now. Why did you let the slaughter happen? There is a huge gap in my program now!” Yes, he is yelling. How very unbecoming. Hux takes a deep breath and counts to ten slowly.

“Wait, what slaughter are you talking about?” Ren suddenly asks. 

“Snoke killed them. All of them. 30,000 of the aged 16-20’s. He cost me a whole generation. Do you understand how inconvenient that is for me and my plans?”

Ren is silent for a whole minute. Hux notices that he’s fumbling with the hem of his cloak. 

“Hux, I didn’t know he killed them all. I thought they would be stationed back once Starkiller II would become active. I… I don’t know how I could have missed this,” Ren trails off, stops and then makes a sound between humorless laughter and snorting.

“He did it, when you destroyed the Hosnian System,” he said more to himself than to Hux. “To cover the tracks, so it wouldn’t be recognized through the Force.”

“Wait,” Hux interrupts him. “You can feel….death? Through the Force? Did you feel it when Starkiller destroyed?” He wonders how this must feel like.

Ren looks even more uncomfortable all of the sudden.

“Usually, yes,” he says, hesitantly. “I… kind of was distracted.”

“By what?”

“....you mean, by whom?” Ren replies and Hux tilts his head. 

“What the kriff did you do on the _Finalizer_ when I was down there?” Hux feels a sudden spark of jealousy and where does that come from?

“By you, obviously,” Ren says matter-of-factly and Hux is taken aback.

“What? I managed to capture even _with my speech?” Hux can’t help but smirk at that. “Wow, I knew my speeches are perfect but --”_

“Not by your pathetic _speech_ ,” Ren huffs, but he also has a little smile tugging on his lips that lights up his whole face. “I uhm...kind of got slapped with your glorious emotions when Starkiller fired. It consumed me.”

Huh.

“And this didn’t give you a hint that I may be your soulmate? By the Stars, Ren. How can one wannabe Sith be so daft?”

“I’m not a Sith,” Ren frowns and he looks so _young_. “You could have just told me, you know?”

“Yes, of course. Because this soulmate business is taken so lightly here in the First Order. And Snoke looming behind me. I knew he knew. _You’re_ the one being torn apart. Whom am I to finally push you to the light side?” Hux says, feeling disgusted. This bond probably should never have bloomed in the first place. Those Force Sorcerers always associate it with the light side. And yet…

And yet, Ren is still here, isn’t he?

“So we are actually going to talk about this? I think I have to sit for this conversation. Do you have any alcohol?” Ren asks him, finally sitting down on Hux’s desk chair. 

Hux stares at him. 

Ren looks at him expectantly and Hux doesn’t want to deal with this. Not at all.

This business is tiresome and Hux doesn’t have the time for this. Not now. Possibly never.

“You’re in charge of Starkiller II now,” Hux says and Ren’s gaze becomes confused.

“What?” He asks like the foolish child he is.

“You heard me, it’s your responsibility now. I don’t need you on my ship now. There’s things to be done. You’re the most useful on Starkiller II.”

“You can’t just send me away,” Ren complains. He actually crosses his arms in front of his chest and huffs. “You know that the bond will weaken when I am millions of lightyears away.”

“This _bond_ was never there to begin with,” Hux suddenly explodes. He’s had enough of Ren trying to _talk_ about it. _Ren_ was the one who cut it. Hux had never felt such pain in his life, like on that dreadful day he thought his soulmate just died. “Do you have any idea how I felt during the last decades and especially during the last months because of you? You ruin _everything._ ”

Hux has to blink a few times and he can feel it burning behind his eyes. 

“Hux,” Ren says softly. Softer than Hux has ever heard. Hux hates it. Hates him.

“That’s still _General_ to you. Or even better, _Supreme Leader_. I don’t know why we are discussing this. You swore your loyalty to me. So go and kriffing obey my _orders_.”

It is eerily silent in the room and Hux doesn’t look at Ren. He stares at the viewport behind Ren’s ridiculous mop of dark hair and waits.

Thankfully, Ren takes the hint and stands up again.

“Fine. I will depart at 0900.”

“Very well,” Hux says, glad that they are being professionals again. “You may take 20 Troopers with you to investigate.”

“You’re so kind, your majesty,” Ren says and the door slides open for him.

“I am not majesty,” Hux reminds him.

“Not yet,” Ren answers and goes.

The bond aches and Hux rubs his chest.

* * *

Hux dreams of landing on another icy planet, looking up at the exact same base like Starkiller I. He dreams about seeing the remnants of a massacre and realizing that Snoke really did kill all of the workers on that base. He can sense the uneasiness of the Troopers he has with him and wishes he would have brought more. It’s going to take ages to burn them all. 

Hux dreams of inspecting Starkiller II and mentally comparing it to Starkiller I. It’s exactly the same.

Hux dreams of sending a request for more Troopers to the _Finalizer_.

He dreams of standing in quarters that look exactly the same like the ones of Starkiller I and dreams of discomfort about more or less being alone on such a huge base.

He dreams of missing a freckled face.

* * *

When Hux wakes up, his holopad already blinks with the request from Ren. It’s been forwarded by Mitaka for Hux’s authorization. 

Hux’s head still swims from the picture of all the Troopers lying dead in the snow and he authorizes the request and includes that Phasma is to join Ren on Starkiller II. 

When he’s about to leave his quarters to start his shift on the bridge, his communication console alerts him of an incoming holocall and Hux accepts it. The blueish hologram of Kylo Ren manifests before him and Hux’s chest aches. His bond tries to reach out but they are too far apart.

“You’re calling to give a status report? I am impressed,” Hux greets him with a small smirk. The connection is crackling but he’s pretty sure that he can hear Ren snort.

“You asked me to give you an update, so here it is,” Ren answers and Hux leans forward a bit.

“I already know everything,” he says and taps against his temple. “I dreamed about your day. But I would appreciate it, if you would send it in written form so I can use it in a meeting at 2000 _Finalizer_ time.”

He expects complaints or a blatant ignoring, but Ren just nods.

“You will have it in two hours. Thank you for permitting my request.” And he ends the call without letting Hux a chance to officially dismiss him. Hux huffs, feeling somewhat irritated. He chooses to ignore it and starts his day.

The written report comes in 76 minutes later when he’s debriefing Captain Phasma about Starkiller II. 

“You’re taking 1,000 Troopers with you,” Hux tells her. “I believe it is exactly the same base as Starkiller I so we shouldn’t have any problems relocating there. 50% of your Troopers will come from the other Star Destroyers. It would be most efficient if you’d take the Troopers who have survived Starkiller. I want the base to be ready in two standard weeks.We’re going to wipe out the Resistance and then we will rise.”

Phasma nods and is equally surprised when Hux opens the incoming report from Ren. 

“There’s always a first, huh,” she jokes and Hux tries to smile but fails. He sends the report to her datapad. “You have until 1900 to assemble your team. Please don’t hesitate to contact the other Star Destroyers. They are still close until further notice. Dismissed.”

Phasma takes her cue and leaves. Hux leans back when he’s alone in his office and closes his eyes. He feels tired. Not exhausted. Just tired. It’s weird dreaming again. Dreaming about his soulm-- about Kylo Ren. When he thought the other man dead he hadn’t dreamt for over a decade. It had just been sleep without interruption. Without glimpses into another life. 

Hux honestly doesn’t know which version he prefers.

The one where his bond brims and vibrates and lets him see everything his soulmate his doing, forbidding his brain to rest completely….or the version where his bond feels dead, cold and he has dreamless nights and feels more or less rested the next morning.

Hux tells himself that he prefers the latter.

(Hux is always good at lying to himself.)

* * *

There’s no further private communication between them.

Hux dreams about Ren’s day and the other way around. 

It should be unnerving but it’s actually quite helpful. For strategic purposes of course.

The whole relocation of the First Order from the Star Destroyers to Starkiller II takes place 12 days later. Hux used the time to make plans for his personal domination of the galaxy and thinking of conquering strategies. 

As soon as the _Finalizer_ drops out of Hyperspace, that irritating feeling in Hux’s chest flourishes. Hux hates it. He doesn’t like feeling _dependent_. 

He’s in the first Shuttle that descends on Starkiller II. Icy wind is mussing up his carefully made hair when he steps onto frozen ground. Captain Phasma is greeting him and around 50 Snowtroopers are behind her. 

“Welcome, sir. Your quarters have been prepared.”

The first questions that is on his tongue is _Where is Lord Ren?_ and he hates himself for it. He swallows the inappropriate (but perfectly legitimate) question down and nods.

“Thank you, Captain. I don’t need to visit it now. I would prefer a status report on how things are going,” he tells her instead and she nods and accompanies him to the control room of the base. The few officers he’s brought with him are going to their appointed terminals immediately and start working. The rest of the officers will come by later. Most of them will be from the _Finalizer_. Hux trusts them the most and if one of the other officers have a problem with it, they can very well file a complaint. Hux will have fun, offering them a nice post on some backwater planet that is important for the First Order’s resources. 

Phasma informs him about the newest developments and that the base will be fully functional in less than 24 hours.

“What about the weapon itself?” Hux asks.

“Around the same time, sir,” she says and Hux nods.

“Prepare everything,” he tells her. “We are going to end the Resistance once and for all. You have the command, Captain.” If the base is the same like the first one, he should find his quarters without problems. Shortly before he’s out of the big room,he turns around again.

“Oh, and consider your efforts during the last two weeks as your promotion...Major.”

She has her helmet on but he knows there’s a hitch of her breath. Her shoulders go rigid for a second before relaxing completely. She tilts her head.

“Thank you, sir.”

Hux gives her one of his rare smiles and leaves. 

He does find his assigned quarters within ten minutes and is pleased when the console is accepting his personal code and scans his hand print. Everything is in order.

He loves order.

The only thing that is irritating is that there are quarters right next to his. On the old base his quarters have been rather secluded from others which has been very comfortable. Maybe the other quarters aren’t taken yet. He _is_ the leader now, isn’t he? He could just say ‘ I don’t want to have neighbors’ or he could reserve it for important guests, or --

The door to said quarters slides open and reveals his soulmate.

Seeing Ren after two weeks feels like a punch in the gut, and a punch in the balls, and a slap in the face. All of Hux’s nerves feel hyper aware and he has to physically fight his body to not lean forward and do something stupid.

“Ren,” he greets through gritted teeth.

Ren is dressed in the tightest pants Hux has ever seen. They have kriffing suspenders and it should look ridiculous but it isn’t. Hux’s eyes definitely don’t linger on his arms. Which he sees. Up close. Shouldn’t it be cold in only a tank top? Didn’t he get the memo that this is a frozen planet?

“I was just coming from the gym and wanted to shower but then I felt you here and wanted to greet you,” Ren says rather defensively and Hux curses himself. As if his loud thoughts weren’t difficult enough, now Ren could dive into his thoughts with ease. Thanks to the bond.

“I am not diving in, I am --”

“Good job, with the base,” Hux interrupts him quickly. “Phasma told me that you were very cooperative. I promoted her.”

Ren just nods and leans against the doorframe. “Good. If you wouldn’t have done it, I would have.”

Hux wants to tell him that he has no right in doing so, but… Ren has been his co-commander. Sure, Snoke had appointed him to that but Ren has done a very good job here and he has helped Hux in gaining the power that is rightfully his.

Hux hasn’t really thought about what status Ren now has. But he likes to remain the status quo rather than thinking about Ren too long.

“Finally you are thinking like a military man,” Hux smirks and Ren huffs, mumbling something about that this will never happen. But he actually smiles for a moment and Hux’s chest sighs in pleasure, his bond reaching out. “There is an officer’s meeting scheduled for 1900. I will give an update on the situation. It would be wise to attend it, Lord Ren. It’s about crushing the resistance once and for all. They don’t know that we have Starkiller II. We will use the weapon against D’Qar.”

He watches Ren intently, looking for a weakness in his face. Ren tenses a bit, his eyes widen for a moment but it’s over after two seconds and he looks at Hux neutrally.

“I will be there.”

Hux watches him for a moment longer, wonders if Ren will ask him to send a message to D’Qar beforehand. A warning. Maybe a plea to spare his mother. But nothing comes. Ren just nods and turns back into the room. The door slides closed and Hux is acutely aware that they are neighbors now. Did Ren choose his quarters intentionally?

Hux rubs his forehead, feeling a blossoming headache. Sighing, he enters his quarters. His personal belonging aren’t here yet. He doesn’t have much. Most of it went down with Starkiller I and the rest is on the _Finalizer_. He probably should leave the things on the Star Destroyer in case _this_ base is doomed too. He will try his best to avoid this, though.

Hux flops down onto the bed face first, which is very uncharacteristically for him. He wonders if the bone deep exhaustion he feels is his own or the one of his soulmate.

They are so close now and he has difficulties distinguishing the emotions brimming through the bond. 

It feels weird and foreign.

Hux hates it.

* * *

Their bond is muted during the conference at 1900 and Hux is annoyed. How does Ren do it? He wants to be able to do that too, but he has the strong suspicion that it has to do with the Force and _that_ puts him in a bad mood. His speech to finally end the Resistance is very passionate then and while all officers in the room are actually clapping, Ren is sitting on his chair without moving. He’s not even looking at Hux.

Hux is even more annoyed.

“Dismissed,” he tells them and Ren is the first one to leave the room.

* * *

He wakes in the middle of the night confronted with _shame_ and _grief_. He’s not even out of bed when there’s already a knock of his door. Slightly groggy and disoriented, he walks to the door, already knowing who it is.

The door reveals Ren and he looks ashen-faced and is shaking. Hux doesn’t even think before he steps to the side and lets Ren in.

It’s ghastly silent in the room when the door is closed again and Hux stares at Ren’s naked back. Ren only has plain black pants on that hang dangerously low on his hips. He doesn’t look at Hux and Hux lets his eyes wander, can’t help but quirk an amused smile when he sees that Ren has his ridiculous hair tamed with four braids that end in a small bun. But the smile is fading when Ren tells him three words he never wanted to hear in the first place.

“I told her.”

Hux doesn’t have to ask whom he’s talking about and what he’s told her. 

Stupid, foolish, incompetent _child_. 

Ren flinches and appears to have heard his thoughts. Good.

Fate is a terrible joke sometimes.

“Why?” Hux hisses and Ren finally faces him. His face looks even more twisted than usual, with his scar stretching across his face. 

“I didn’t mean to,” Ren complains. “I was meditating and suddenly she was there. I didn’t reach out to her. She reached out to _me_ and before I could stop it, she had sensed some...of my most recent thoughts.”

Hux wants to be angry. He wants to yell at Ren, wants to smother him with his bare hands.

But he deflates when he can feel _patheticnotworthyimsosorry_ through the bond. He usually doesn’t yell anyway. What a waste of energy. He steps a bit closer and realizes how utterly defeated Ren looks. 

“Well, we can’t help it now, can’t we?” Hux says and goes to the small kitchenette to make some tea. And while the water is heating up, he goes to his communication console to talk to the night cycle officer in charge. The weapon is still loading and Hux sighs. But at least they won’t have time to evacuate the whole planet. But Organa and her most trusted will escape. Ren made sure of that. More or less. 

He thinks about giving Ren the cheap tea but then reminds himself not to be petty. The man is feeling like shit and projecting that very loudly through the bond. Hux can at least try to calm him down with his favorite Nabooian tea. 

(He really hopes that he doesn’t have to blow up Naboo. That would be a pity.)

When he turns around again, Ren is sitting on the edge of his bed and avoids looking at him. Hux takes the two cups and sits down next to him. He holds out a cup wordlessly and Ren hesitates for a moment, before he takes it. 

“I know exactly how it tastes like,” he tells Hux and blows softly to cool the tea down a bit. Hux stares the steam swirl away and not at the soft, thick lips curling around the cup and taking a small sip. “I never had it before, but I know how it smells. And how soothing it is. You always projected it through the bond.”

Hux doesn’t know what to say so he just takes a sip from his own tea and settles with, “Ah.”

“I’m sorry,” Ren says.

“You already said that...or should I say you’re bleeding it through the bond,” Hux informs him and Ren slumps down, trying to curl into his ridiculously big body. It doesn’t work. Of course it doesn’t. “She can’t hide forever. The galaxy will bow to me and there’s always a traitor who sells information. Don’t worry about that.”

“Not about _that_ ,” Ren groans, looking very uncomfortable. He takes another sip from his tea and it actually seems to calm him down. It does make Hux proud somehow. That this special blend, his favorite, has an effect on big, bad, dark Lord Ren. “I’m sorry that I cut you out...all those years ago. I am sorry about that. It must have hurt like… I don’t know. That part of my body….my _soul_ was numbed until...Starkiller I fell.”

“Can we not talk about that?” Hux asks. He doesn’t want to talk about it. Talking about it makes it _real_ and why does Ren talk in such a soft voice? Shouldn’t he be slashing his lightsaber through some wall and deny that he’s guilty of anything ever?

“Oh, shut up and let me apologize,” Ren huffs.

Hux sighs and is very aware of the heat that Ren is radiating. He sneaks another glance and Ren is still looking exhausted. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days. Maybe he hasn’t since Hux has always dreamt about his daily life here on base. 

“I tried not to sleep to give you some privacy,” Ren offers and Hux is astonished. He is so… appreciative. 

Ren, still reading or getting the meaning behind his thoughts, smirks.

“You wouldn’t believe it but my mind is a lot clearer since Supre -- Snoke is dead.”

“What? You’re Solo now?” Hux asks without really thinking first. His brain is still trying to catch up with Ren being -- well not different but...calmer. 

Ren winces when Hux says that and Hux can feel a spark of anger and Ren’s face clouds. So the old Ren isn’t dead, just hidden. Good to know. 

“No,” Ren says darkly. “I will never be Ben Solo again. Never.”

Hux is taken aback from the _pain_ coming through their bond. It actually pains Ren to say that. Hux now openly stares at him and Ren doesn’t dare to look into his eyes but Hux can feel it anyway.

“Ren,” he says hesitantly when they both drained their cups and the cold is slowly seeping through Hux’s body. He should go back under the covers and try to sleep. He has to get up in a few hours. Ren hasn’t said anything during the last minutes and doesn’t look like he wants to.

“Ren. Do you want to go back to the Resistance?” The words sit heavy on his tongue and he is surprised that his words come out so softly. Normally, he would never say something like that. Hells, if Ren were a direct member of the First Order, he’d send him to reconditioning immediately. Or probably would have tried to kill him by now. Ren is too unpredictable; he could ruin everything.

But since that dreadful day on Starkiller I, maybe even earlier, his bond has just prevented him from… trying to execute such thoughts. It is annoying and unnerving and --

“No,” Ren says quietly. “No, I chose to stay with the Dark Side. I chose to stay with _you_.” He looks him square in the eyes and Hux feels like he’s forgotten how to breathe. “I could have not killed them. Han Solo...Snoke. But I did it for you. So I can stay by your side. Because I know that you will always stay on this side. You won’t budge. You’re going to crush the Resistance and will rise, their skulls at your feet. You will bring balance to the galaxy.”

He’s suddenly very close and Hux doesn’t draw back. He simply can’t. He’s frozen on the spot. 

“How do you know that?” Hux asks, his voice slightly shaking and he doesn’t even notice. 

“I have foreseen it,” Ren simply states and he’s so close now that Hux can see the golden flecks in his dark eyes. Ren’s breath is ghosting over his face and Hux knows what’s going to happen before Ren moves. The bond is overflowing with warmth and pleasure and _longing_.

Kylo Ren’s lips are as soft as they look. They are surprisingly hesitant and pull back again way too soon. They stare at each other after the chaste kiss and Hux makes a sound in his throat that sounds an awful lot like a growl. In that moment, he doesn’t care. His chest is aching because Ren has pulled away again and he wants to soothe the pain. 

This time it’s him who moves forward and his left hand traces the scar on Ren’s face, slides downwards where the scar continues on his naked shoulder. 

“How are you not cold?” Hux mumbles, his own body already covered in goosebumps. 

(He doesn’t know if it’s because of the cold or because of his soulmate.)

“ _Magic_ ,” Ren grins and Hux rolls his eyes. He wraps his right arm around Ren’s neck and presses their lips together again. Kissing him for a second time feels even better, especially when Ren’s lips open beneath his and Hux can slip his tongue inside his hot mouth. 

Ren’s kisses are clumsy but he cooperates with an enthusiasm that would knock Hux from his feet if he weren’t already sitting on his bed. 

Hux has never indulged himself like that in kissing before. It always has been a bit of a necessity to get into someone else’s pants or bringing them more pleasure if they liked kissing. Hux has done it, sure, but only ever in his efficient way and not because of his own pleasure.

But kissing ~~Ren~~ Kylo.

Well…

Hux’s mind feels bright, his heart is beating violently and the bond is sighing happily. 

It’s perfect.

And not annoying at all.

* * *

It’s the first time Hux sleeps next to another being in his own bed.

He’s warm all over which is a novelty.

He never wants to miss that feeling again.

He also never wants to forget the sight of Kylo Ren sleeping and illuminated by the morning sun again.

Because it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

* * *

D’Qar goes down in flames as hot as a sun and five planets of the Mid Rim surrender after that new display of power.

Rumor has it that General Organa has been sighted on Ithor.

He insists on accompanying the Knights of Ren and their Master on the hunt.

Kylo Ren doesn’t object and through the bond Hux can feel _gratefulnessrespectrelief_.

And he shows Hux a throne during their shared dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to the Kylux Bigbang *sweats nervously


	6. Chapter 6

Leia Organa usually thinks of herself as a very composed person. The years have taught her that being emotional only brings problems; especially when you have the Force. The Force intensifies everything. Leia always thought of it as more of a burden than anything else. Primarily when she saw how her only child was torn apart because of it.

But this was in a time long gone when Leia thought she was happy.

Kneeling here, trapped in Force-suppressing handcuffs, she realizes that she’s never been completely happy. Something is always the matter. Her home planet being blown up, realizing that her biological father is a mass murderer, or seeing her only son slowly drifting to the Dark Side -- she wonders if she’s the reason she can’t be happy. Something is clearly wrong with her. Maybe she’s a disturbance in the Force. Maybe only Luke was supposed to be born -- the Force has curious ways.

Nothing hurts more than this, not even the feeling of Han’s death over two years ago. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this, General.”

Shiny black boots stop in front of her and she looks up at his stony face. Oddly enough her first thought about seeing him up close for the first time is that he’s handsome. Of course he is. She never expected anything else of Benny’s very own soulmate. And he’s brilliant. A tactical genius. She would’ve given her own life if it would have helped to get him on their side. Leia thinks back to all the bad and sad dreams Benny had when he was a child; burdened with the emotions of the sad child that was his soulmate. 

“You have no idea how I could say the same thing to you, Hux.”

He visibly bristles when she fails to mention his title. And yet, all she can see is a small boy in pristine white clothes and a white cape that’s a tad too long. A small boy who has no idea what burden he took upon himself when he was crowned Emperor of the Galaxy four months ago. His filigree, white-golden crown shines in the sun that seeps into the old throne room. 

“I could have you executed you know,” Emperor Hux snarls and for a moment he looks like he wants to kick her in the face. But he doesn’t and even looks a bit disgusted at her. Whether it is because he _had_ thought about hurting her or because he just has to _interact_ with her, she can’t tell. 

“And why haven’t you? You can make an example out of me, you know that. Instead you finally catch me and let me rot in a cell without telling your loyal folk that you have me.”

“You know very well why I can’t have you executed. But believe me when I say that I want nothing more than having you decapitated. The universe would sigh in relief.”

“Like it sighed in relief when a mere boy crowned himself to the First Dictator? Oh pardon me, the second one.”

Hux raises his hand as if he wants to slap her but refrains himself -- again. 

“Don’t touch her,” growls a voice behind her and she can’t help it. Her heart sighs in relief. She knows who is behind her. She hasn’t seen him for 17 long years. Her boy, her little prince, her --

When he’s finally in front of her, he’s nothing and everything she’s ever imagined. He’s tall. So tall, just like his father. He’s grown into his features; her heart brims with brightness when she can see the tips of his ears peeking out under wavy, dark hair. There’s an ugly scar slashing through his right cheek, continuing over his nose and ending between his eyebrows. It’s a clear wound from a lightsaber. She knows such wounds. And of course she knows who he’d got it from. And for a tiny moment she loathes the sweet, passionate brown-eyed girl. Hurting her boy like that. 

His eyes are burning into hers, icy cold. She wonders if she deserves such hatred from her own flesh and blood. She always thought it was purely Snoke poisoning his sweet soul. But Snoke is dead. Killed by his own apprentice. Just like the Dark Side likes it. 

“You know very well I won’t touch her. You asked me not to, so I refrained. You’re too sentimental, Ren.” The Emperor interrupts her musings and her sweet boy looks away from her, right into the pale green eyes of Hux and his cold gaze is suddenly flooding with warmth. 

“I know,” Ben’s dark voice says softly. “I’m sorry.”

Astonishing. An apology falling from Ben’s lips so easily. He’s really all grown up. She resents the thought that she wasn’t there to see it happening. So many mistakes she and Han made…

Hux regards her silently and then his eyes snap back to Ben.

“Ren,” he says and his voice has an edge of softness too. How very odd. The stars really have the strangest ways to bring soulmates together. Here he is, the despot of the galaxy, merciless but (and she hates to admit it) fair as long as you’re loyal to him. And he looks at her son as if he’s the sun of his world. He probably is. Strange that the Emperor allows himself such a weakness that is her son. And yet it isn’t strange at all. Ben -- Kylo Ren -- is already legendary in the galaxy as the Emperor’s enforcer. 

What a ruthless pair they make. The galaxy is doomed. Or maybe not. She knows that she won’t live to see the outcome of this new regime. She doesn’t want to see it work out. She’s fought her whole life against such threats like Emperor Hux. And she’s lost again and again. Lost everything she holds dear. She’s tired. It’s enough.

“Odd,” she says and both gazes snap to her. “When I imagined you introducing your soulmate to me I had a whole other scenario in mind. But you were always full of surprises, Ben.”

Hux sneers down at her but she only watches her son. A faint blush has crept on his cheeks and he looks murderous. 

“My soulmate is none of your business, Organa,” he spits out and in the faint back of her mind she cringes because she can still hear his cry for her after a bad dream, no doubt placed in his mind by Snoke. ( _Mommy!_ )

“Oh, it very much is. I am your mother and I will always be your mother. Whether you want it or not.” She fights against the the handcuffs but they don’t yield. It feels so strange, being cut off from the force completely. It’s the strongest Force Suppressor she’s ever encountered. 

“Do you like it?” Hux asks in a sickening sweet voice. “We found it in the depth of Snoke’s citadel. Ren assured me it’s the strongest it can get. He hasn’t tried it on but he felt sick just being near it. I do hope you’re feeling the same.”

Leia’s eyes harden and a wave of nausea hits her in that very moment. Hux chuckles and she has to close her eyes to get the bile that rises in her throat under control. She sways on her knees and suddenly a large warm hand is on her shoulder. It’s seeping out warmth and her nausea instantly gets better. Confused, she looks up and looks into her son’s eyes. _Thank you,_ she wants to say but decides to stay mute.

Ben doesn’t look into her eyes and his face looks clearly conflicted. He takes his hand away of her shoulder and Leia hates the feeling of loss. 

Hux doesn’t mention the small weakness Ben has showed and instead addresses another matter. 

“You still want me to execute your plan?” he asks him and Ben nods. 

“Yes,” he says solemnly. “It’s the best way.”

“The best way would be to kill her once and for all. I would order a quick death, I promise,” Hux says and Ben flinches. 

“No,” he growls. “We do it my way. She’ll be the bait for Skywalker and that scavenger and then we have them all.”

Hux sighs exasperated, but he nods. 

“Very well. Have it your way. The transport shall happen in one hour. I’ll give you that much time. Say goodbye to her properly. I mean it, Ren. That’s the last time you’re going to see her, you utter sentimental fool.”

Her Ben doesn’t look offended in the slightest. He just smiles and takes Hux’ white gloved hand in his, squeezes it and let it go.

“Thank you, love,” he says and Hux turns around abruptly, no doubt trying to hide his cheeks that started to burn at Ren’s endearment. His heels click on the black marble floor and Ben sinks down on his knees as soon as the huge double doors closed.

“Mother,” he says and takes off his gloves. For a stupid moment she thinks that he maybe wants to take her hand or hug her properly. Instead, he presses his fingers against her temples. He’s so close, she can count his dark eyelashes. 

“You will be transported to a planet that suppresses the Force as effective as these handcuffs are. The native folk there are … very underdeveloped. We’ve found it recently on our exploration of the Unknown Regions. Once we dump you there, there is no chance for you to escape. They are thousands of years away from Starships and relatable technology. But you will have it good there; these fools apparently see us as gods. I’m sure, Skywalker and some other underlings of yours will join you soon. Hunting down Resistance members has somewhat become a sport everyone wants to participate in. Of course nobody is a match for _me_.”

He smiles broadly and there’s not much warmth in his eyes. 

“So you’re sending me into Exile. Just because you can’t look me into the eyes when killing me.”

Ben flinches. 

“I never intended to kill you.”

“And yet you killed your own father,” her voice breaks and her heart does too because this time Ben doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t look affected at all.

“It was necessary. It gave me the final push to my soulmate. Aren’t you glad?”

Leia is at a loss for words. 

“I will make it easy,” he continues, his fingers stroking over her temples. “I will erase everything of me out of your mind. So you will have a … peaceful exile.I will do so with everyone else I send there.”

“Don’t you dare, Ben. Don’t you dare erase my memory of my son.”

“Your son is dead and you won’t have a say in this, I’m afraid.”

She can feel a tingling cold in her temples. She can’t block him out. The handcuffs prevent her from using the Force.

“Please don’t do this, Ben. I’d rather have you kill me,” she whispers, tears pooling at the corners of her eyes. He rifles through her latest memories of him. 

“It’s for the best, mother,” he says in a tired voice. “I can’t kill you. I won’t kill you. And I won’t let Hux kill you or have you killed. But I can’t let you go around freely either. You’re never going to understand our goals, our main purpose. You’ll want to fight against Hux the rest of your life. I can’t have that.”

“Ben, no. Don’t do that. I beg you. I am your _mother_..”

“I am going to knock you out now, mother. I’m sorry I was such a disappointment….and I’m sorry about….Han Solo. But it had to be done.”

She reaches out with her cuffed hands and traces the scar in his face, cups his face between her hands. He inhales a sharp breath but doesn’t turn away. 

“I will _never_ forget you. Do you hear me?” she says, trying to reach out with the Force with all her might. It pains her; white spots are dancing in her vision. The suppressor works completely. 

“Goodbye, mother,” Ben says and the pressure behind her temples increases. She stares at the beautiful features of her son. Where did they go wrong? Why didn’t she see it earlier. She could have saved him from Snoke; she could have --

*

She blinks against a bright light. Groaning, she tries to get up and realizes she is restrained. Her feet are cuffed to the seat of a Shuttle. There are heavy handcuffs on her wrists and feeling them, looking at them makes her ill. She has an incredible headache. Where is she? Oh, right...the Emperor’s watchdog has captured her. 

Speaking of…

The monster itself is sitting in front of her, silently watching her through a ghastly mask. This one looks even worse than the one from the old surveillance footage the Resistance came across years ago. Before Starkiller. Before…

“Murderer,” she hisses and the beast in the mask just tilts its head.

“Welcome back, _General_ Organa. We are on our way to your very own prison planet but you already know this. We should be there in a bit over 40 minutes. I’m going to enjoy dropping you off.”

“Why not just kill me? Why would the _Emperor_ spare me? What is your game?” she asks, tugging at her restraints but they won’t budge. 

“The Emperor is wise,” Kylo Ren says and his mechanical voice sends chills across her spine. “Don’t question his methods.”

She leans back and closes her eyes. She’s defeated. How could she let that happen? Where did she go wrong? She wishes that they would kill her. That way she would see Ben again. Her small, beautiful boy, slaughtered by Kylo Ren and his knights oh so many years ago. 

Leia doesn’t talk to Kylo Ren the rest of the flight, preferring to drown in memories of Han and Ben, their last picnic together right before Ben made his way to Luke’s. How happy they all were…

“Don’t bask in old, foolish memories, General. It tends to make even the strongest people weak,” she can hear the sneer behind the mask and frowns. 

“You are disgusting,” she says.”Prying into other’s memories is rude. Didn’t your mother teach you any manners?”

Kylo Ren is silent at that. She counts it as a win.

When she gets escorted down onto a planet in the Unknown Regions an hour later, she thinks she has a chance, because only Stormtroopers accompany her. When they uncuff her, maybe then….a split second; her chance to --

They uncuff her and she doubles over as soon as they land on the planet. She had thought that Kylo Ren had lied, but this really is a Force-suppressing planet. She feels _numb_. She feels like she’s lost a limb. The Stormtroopers are already on their way back.

They left her in a sandy place. It’s hot but she can make out something like a village in the distance. She wonders if these are other prisoners. She hopes it. She will plot again. She will get off this planet and she will have revenge. 

She will avenge the deaths of her son and her husband.

* * *

Hux knows he’s there when he enters his large bedroom and the lights are at zero percent. Hux never has them at zero percent. As ironic as it may be, he loathes absolute darkness. 

“Lights fifteen percent,” Hux says in a soft voice and there he sits. On Hux’s enormous bed, the canopy drawn close. Hux unclasps his cape (He really doesn’t like that ceremonial outfit. He should go back to normal military uniforms once the hype about him, the new Emperor, is over) and pulls off his white boots. He curls his toes into the lush carpet under his feet for a short moment. So much luxury. It’s insane. But he’s already working on cutting his personal budget and the palace’s household to pump the credits into other projects -- military projects. There’s still much to conquer.

After unbuttoning his jacket and draping it over a lush chair, he pulls the canopy to the side and yes, there is someone under the soft silken sheets. Hux grabs them and tugs at them.

“No,” comes a grunt and Hux stops. He sighs and crawls onto the bed. The cold sheets feel heavenly on his naked feet and Hux slides under them, draping them over his head too. Kylo is curled to a ball, facing him but not actually looking at him. Hux tentatively reaches out and cards his left hand through the thick, dark hair.

“You can open the bond, love,” he tells him. “I can take it. Don’t shy away from me. I know it’s hard on you. You know I hate it when you dampen it with your _magic_.” 

His choice of words earns him a smile and Kylo takes a deep breath and seconds later the bond opens again. The numbness he had felt during the last 29 hours falls away and Hux is swarmed with _longinggriefregret_. 

The hand stroking through Kylo’s hair, slides down and he takes his hand.

“I can still have her killed,” he says, not pretending that he understands Kylo’s difficulties with getting rid of his mother. Kylo tenses and grabs his hand only harder.

“I know that this attachment is weak,” he rasps. “But she’s my _mother_. I’m sorry….it’s...I could never. Not like with Han Solo.”

Hux sighs and pulls Kylo closer to him, presses a kiss on his hair and props his chin on his head. Kylo buries his face in Hux’s chest and Hux feels a bit giddy when he can feel Kylo taking a deep breath, inhaling Hux’s scent. 

_MinemineminemineMINEsafeyesYES_ brims through the bond and Hux closes his eyes. He can feel Kylo’s huge hands on his stomach,creeping under his dress shirt and sighs when there’s direct skin on skin contact. 

“It’s going to be okay,” Hux says, smiling into Kylo’s hair, enjoying the feeling of the warm hands. They are wandering, playing with the white and silver belt on Hux’s hips. 

“I know,” Kylo mutters. “You’re by my side. I will make everyone bow down to you. You will rule and I will be safe.”

The buckle of Hux’s belt opens and Hux turns them both around.The sheets are still over their heads and Hux can’t see very much of Kylo’s face. But he can _feel_ everything and that is enough. 

Hux kisses him, licks into his mouth. Kylo moans in his endearing, hesitant way and wraps his long, ridiculously muscled arms around Hux. 

“You’re going to be okay,” Hux says again, biting Kylo’s underlip and leaves a trail of kisses on Kylo’s chin, his neck, his shoulders. Kylo sighs and helps him when Hux peels him out of his dark robes. 

“I know, I know,” Kylo says, arching into Hux’s touch. “You’re going to help me find my balance. I _know_ , but --”

“Shshhh, no ‘but’s,” Hux murmures, flicking his tongue over a mole right beside his navel. “When I say it’s going to be okay, then so it will be. I am the Emperor and my word is the law. Trust me. I will help you forget your conflicts.”

“I know, I know,” Kylo repeats and moans louder when Hux slides further down and tries his best to make him forget that he just imprisoned his own mother and altered her memory about him.

 _Trustloyaltyfondnessyou’reeverytthing_ sighs through the bond and in that moment they both know that the whole galaxy is right before them, will be _theirs_. 

Soon.

* * *

Kylo loves the little frown on his soulmate’s forehead and it takes all his willpower to not lean down and kiss it away. Kylo and three of his knights stand before the Shuttle that will bring them to the _Finalizer_ that is currently orbiting around the planet. 

Hux looks conflicted but he stands straight, his uniform pristine as ever. Kylo can feel Hux’s longing through the bond. The longing to get back on his beloved ship and stand by Kylo’s side, conquering the galaxy with him together. 

But Hux isn’t a general anymore. 

He’s the Emperor. And his place his here, in the palace.

For now

“Are you sure?” Hux finally asks. “This will probably take years.”

 _And we won’t see each other_ is left unsaid.

“Yes,” Kylo answers. He gives in and squeezes Hux’s white gloved hand. Hux lets it happen. A telltale sign that he doesn’t like this at all. 

“And you really have to numb the bond through that time?” Hux asks. They had this argument so often now. And Hux still tries to convince him that Kylo doesn’t have to do that.

But he does.

“Yes. I don’t want this distraction. I won’t be able to concentrate on my mission. Conquering the galaxy in your name. I can’t do that properly if I am consumed by you, dream of you, _feel_ you from lightyears away.

Hux _pouts_ and Kylo wants to kiss the face away. He gives his knights a gentle mental nudge and they turn around to board the shuttle. Hux and Kylo are alone in the hangar now.

Kylo steps forward and hugs Hux. Hux melts into his body and the sharp end of his crown pricks into Kylo’s shoulder uncomfortably. Kylo ignores it. Holding Hux, breathing him in, kissing his nose after tipping his chin up is the most important thing at the moment. Or maybe forever.

Hux growls when confronted with Kylo’s tenderness and presses his lips against Kylo’s, taking Kylo’s breath away with a demanding kiss.

“You better come back in one piece and with the galaxy in your palm,” he says and Kylo grins, leaning down to steal another kiss.

“Don’t worry. I shall bring you the skulls of everyone who is against your rule. You can see it as a betrothal gift. If you want.”

The slight pink of Hux’s cheeks is branded into his memory forever. Kylo has to go or he will never leave. Not with such a beautiful sight around. It pains him more than he’d like to admit when he uses the force to close their soulmate connection almost completely. 

Hux shudders and Kylo feels cold. 

The Emperor takes a step away and their entwined hands hover between them for a few more seconds until Hux breaks the contact. Kylo’s whole being mourns with the loss.

Kylo can see the shift from his soulmate Hux to Emperor Hux. He loves both of them equally.

“Take care of her,” Hux says, meaning the _Finalizer_ now solely under Kylo’s command. “I know she’ll be your greatest ally on your mission.”

Kylo nods and puts on his helmet, the one Hux gifted him with after his coronation. It’s very similar to his old one and yet totally different. Everyone can see _Hux_ all over it when they choose to look close enough. 

“My love to you will be my greatest ally.” It’s a simple enough sentence, but Kylo is glad he can hide his face behind the mask. He watches Hux’s whole body go tense for a moment but then he relaxes completely.

Hux actually huffs a laugh and his green eyes shine brilliantly as if thousands of stars are alight in them.

“I hate you,” Hux says, voice warm and full of fondness.

“I know,” Kylo replies.

He bows before his Emperor and turns around to board the shuttle.

Time to conquer the rest of the galaxy in the name of the Emperor. 

Kylo Ren smirks behind his mask and strokes the hilt of his lightsaber. 

He’s never felt more alive.

And loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: This was supposed to be four chapters and them defecting and going to the Resistance. Oh well...
> 
> Another fun fact: It probably dawned on some of you already, but this is the prequel of [this one-shot](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5709247). Maybe I'll make a series out of it. We'll see.
> 
> Wow. That's it. Thank you for all the kudos and love and comments!!! They warmed my heart and I appreciate them so much. If I forgot to answer someone I sincerely apologize.
> 
> I already have my next kylux project planned so....I probably come bothering you all again very soon.
> 
> Love you all!

**Author's Note:**

> Soulmates are my favorite trope. I just couldn't resist with kylux. I hope you liked it! See you soon!
> 
> hit me up on my [tumblr](http://minzimpression.tumblr.com) if you want. i need to talk about kylux 24/7.


End file.
